In celebration of having made almost 150 posts (Good gracious, Philip and I talk a lot!) and collecting over 5,000 hits (holy cow!) – it’s time for an exciting edition of “Sassy Answers!”
A curious reader asked me:
Q. How did you get to be a sexy blogger?
How do I parse that sentence? How did I get to be a sexy person who blogs? Or how did I get to be a blogger about sexy stuff? I like it both ways!
A. “How a good girl goes blog”
Step 1 is having an amazing story to tell after Phil found me. Heating up old flames is interesting! And it made me interested in sex again, and in some ways, for the first time ever.
Step 2 is being inspired by other bloggers. This means jumping ahead a bit, but there’s a great trail of sexy blogs that brought me here and it’s time that I shared them with you. I am sending my love to these amazing bloggers. With a hug. And some groping! Mmm…
Here’s the story of my travels through the blog world on my way here.
November 2004
1) Livejournal
I started a random personal blog in 2004 on LiveJournal.com. My sister convinced me it was a great way to see what my friends are thinking, and share my thoughts. I never found my voice there… but I bumbled along doing restaurant reviews, trip reports and comments about various TV shows. My sister and about 100 friends post there. They share stories of their lives – travel, day-to-day frustrations, politics, recipes, party invites, dating woes, and interesting stuff they find on the internet.
August 2010
2) Jonathan Carroll
http://www.jonathancarroll.com/blog/index.php
Several people on my LJ friends list posted items from this amazing writer. His blog is snippets from other writers and his own – poems, quotes from books, and musing on lost love. I’d always found them “too deep” but soon after Phil found me, they began to make sense to me in a new way. You’ve seen the poem “P.S.” and there will be more I could not resist sending to Phil. He posts wonderful photos and quotes to Facebook as well. Like him!
March 2011
A friend of a friend is particularly good at pointing out things I should see. On this fateful day, she sent us to look at a Tumblr page with a collection of photos called
3) “Sex is not the enemy“
http://sexisnottheenemy.tumblr.com/
I admit I was not going to click on the link. She said it was NOT SAFE FOR WORK. And I was not a fan of sexy photos online. Usually skinny women with odd wax jobs screwing over-muscled men in some bizarre position. But I noticed there were a lot of positive comments. So I clicked. And spent the next hour SMILING!
It’s a series of photos and quotes designed to make sex look like fun. There are people smiling and doing all manner of sexy things. I like it because
- It makes me SMILE every time I go there. It’s about FUN.
- It’s quick to look at. They post a pretty photo or a short text every few days.
- Diversity – It gives you a chance to see people of all kinds being proud of their bodies – male, female, thin, chubby, white, black, Asian and who knows, straight, gay, lesbians, bi, alone, couples, multiples, young, old, with toys…
- Ideas: Positions. Toys. Learning A LOT. Found photos to share with Phil to keep things fresh.
- Your body is okay, my body is okay- It helped me understand that my body can be sexy even if I don’t look like I did when I was 14. Because all body types are celebrated!
- Sex is okay – For those of us raised without much info about sex, taught that our bodies should be hidden, sex is somehow dirty, urges should be suppressed, and that people who are different are bad, it’s refreshing to see such joy!
So I popped in there every few days and smiled. I usually click something fun, enjoy looking and then forget about it. But I found myself drawn to this site over and over to see the lastest photos.
I even took a big leap and forwarded the link to other friends, explaining that I don’t usually send sexy stuff, but this site is different. No one replied so I didn’t know if they looked or not.
I don’t know how Tumblr works, but I figured out that someone was surfing the net and pulling together photos from a bunch of other sites. I began to notice that many of the photos I liked came from one source. So I went to look at that blog.
Early November 2011
This site is written by a married couple, Dick and Jane, who work and have kids and try to have sex now and then in creative ways. It is tasteful and humorous, and includes:
a) Photo blog, with incredible photos of couples. They post a lot, and often on a theme.
b) Sex blog of their adventures,
c) Reviews of sex toys (including why you’d want them and what they do),
d) Ask Us (with answers by experts),
e) Fantasy box where they post ideas for each other
Part of their sex blog has posts called “Hot or not?” which is .gifs (5 second moving pictures) of sex on a theme. There’ve been 5 of them. They’re a tease but some of them are, well… HOT! And you get to vote on which ones you think are hot. I know you love voting!
I shared various links with Phil. It has taught me A LOT. I finally understand what toys are for!
In November 2011, they were named #11 on Rori’s “
Top 100 sex bloggers” list. And they posted the entire list!
Like a kid in a very sexy eye-candy store, I clicked through a bunch of those blogs. All are interesting, but most are not for me. I had great fun reading a little bit here and there, to see if it’s my thing, and if not – click on the next one! Also, many bloggers have a “blog roll” down the right side of the page with the other blogs they read, usually in the same vein as their blog. So I checked out the other blogs they like. Part of me reads for an interesting story, the other part weighs whether I’d like to try it. I learned a lot!
I ended up finding one blog that made me want to start at the beginning and read the entire thing:
Thanksgiving weekend 2011
5) Ashley & Me
This is the gold standard of “inside a man’s head” blogs. He was #5 on Rori’s list of the top 100 bloggers in 2011. I read it from start to finish over Thanksgiving weekend.
It was written by “Riff Dog,” a music exec in CA, who wrote about his adventures meeting women from a “married but looking” web site. And he helped men market themselves on that web site, then make women happy after they met.
I wish it was a book I could hand you. I wish I could tell you to read it all. But as with many sex blogs, it is gone. He managed to last longer than most – nearly 4 years in a world were 4-6 months seems average. Damn, that man could write. He was funny and smart and entertaining and very sexy. And a sweet man underneath all his adventures. (Don’t tell him I said that!)
He also explained how to make yourself attractive in a personals ad, and did research on what works and what doesn’t. And he was hysterical responding to comments! He snarked back and forth with other bloggers. He made me cringe now and then, but it was educational. It was mostly about him trying to fulfill his fantasies and please a woman. He gave me ways to increase my confidence and to understand what men want.
He was like the pivot for a synchronized skating team – he supported other bloggers and everything revolved around him. Several bloggers got their start because of him and many men owe their dating success to using his techniques, so he’s a bit of a hero. It was a wonderful community of support for people cheating on their spouses who can’t talk to anyone in their “real lives.” He coined several terms used by other bloggers.
Riff made me want to fuck him. I wanted to comment on his blog. And tell the amazing story of Philip and me. And the best way to do that was to start my own blog. So you can thank him or blame him for that!
December 2011
So after a week of trying out various blog names in my head and googling to be sure no one else had thought of it, I sat down one magical December afternoon, poked around blogspot.com and… here I am!
