Dear Readers, 

Life is a quiet on the Ashley Madison front, except for an interesting development. 

Q.  What does “cyber only” mean on a person’s Ashley Madison profile?

A.  At it’s most basic, it means the person does not want to meet you in person.  They want to “cyber” (which is short for cybersex, meaning talking sexy online, usually through a chat program like Yahoo Messenger or Google Hang-outs, perhaps with Skype or some other video interaction as well).

I looked up “cyber” in the Urban Dictionary.  Some of the definitions have a negative connotation, like it is only for losers, but I don’t think of it that way.  

I can’t say why any particular person focuses on cyber interactions.  I have some theories: 

• They don’t want the risk of a meet, either for discovery or physical safety
• They don’t have confidence in their appearance
• They don’t want to be pressured to meet, want to explore but may change their mind
• They don’t want to deal with the realities of sex – condoms, the expense of meals, hotels etc. 
• They are far away, perhaps in a small town or rural area where partners are scarce, but want to talk with someone 

If you want a laugh, look up “cybersex” in the Urban Dictionary.  It’s snarky and silly. 

You’ve read my cyber sex adventures with Philip (click on the “chat” label on the lower right if you’re new here).  I am a big believer in online sex with him in to keep up our connection between our visits. 

In May 2013, I was bored one evening and turned on the Ashley Madison chat program.  A man  contacted me and chatted well, used full English words, being polite.  I checked his profile and was surprised to see “cyber only.”  I’ve only been approached by men who want to meet RIGHT AWAY!  Also, he was twenty years younger.  I was intrigued and wanted to explore his motivations, so I gave him my email and we set up chatting on Yahoo.  His first words there were “can I see a pic?”  and before I could answer, “You have a cam?” 

I said, “No.  Best of luck!” and signed off.  I have since learned this is typical of younger men – they are very visual, have no patience, and are often photo collectors.  I would deal with it better now, but at the time it seemed rude.  And I am not a cougar! I don’t care about age – have had great discussions in the chat room with men of all ages, and had a wonderful time with Simon Templar.  But in general, my best interactions are with men slightly older.  

He tried to chat a couple of times in May, but I was not in the mood.  He tried again in mid-July and started out very sweet and polite, so I kept typing.  I was impressed with his tenacity!  

He was very curious, interested in my history, willing to share his.  He lives with a woman, has a great sex life, but wants… more.  I asked why he was interested in older women?  He replied, “They are sexy, know what they want and are always horny.”  HA! 

I asked why I should be interested in younger men?  He didn’t have a quick answer.  I told him to he should have at least two reasons!  I offered stamina and a view into the mind of another generation, to keep her young.  

He could ask questions all day long.  I would tell him about my adventures.  He would get me very revved up, talking about what he’d like to do.  But it was always a rather “intellectual discussion” not aimed at me, just theoretical.  But I could imagine it happening to me if I was in the mood.  Or not.  I shared topics I’d see in chat, or blog articles.  We talked about a woman giving her “wet panties” to a man to use in his self-pleasuring, threesomes (he fought the idea of being naked with another man), toys, different positions.  He was very experienced in some ways, a complete novice in others.  

He loved to talk about giving oral.  I thought it was just trying to sweet talk me, but as the days went on, it held true as something he was really into.  

I did not tell him I was a blogger, though it was more tempting with him than anyone I’ve talked with or been with.   I did send him things I posted in the blog, but pulled them out into email so I didn’t give myself away.  

I eventually showed him my sexy black bra photo, and he showed me his erect cock.  He was not a photo collector!

I kept thinking he’d get really curious and want to meet.  But he never mentioned it.  It was lovely during July when I was so leery after the last bad meet, a way to talk sexy without any pressure.  

I fantasized about meeting him – not for sex, but to see what he looks like, smells like, sounds like… to make the online sex more vivid.  But I forgot about eventually.

Cybersex is not as good as the real thing, but it’s certainly better than nothing, and keeps me entertained for hours on end.  I will keep talking as long as he likes.  I don’t usually mention men I haven’t met, but may mention him now and then, as he is such an interesting fellow.  He tends to pop up when I need him… uncanny!

The cougars in chat call their young men “cubs.”  I decided this man needed a special name… indicating youth, curiosity and attractiveness… so I think of him as “The Pup.”  He makes me think, smile, gets me going.  In explaining things to him, I understand them better.  He adores thinking he is getting me hot sitting in my open office.  He is definitely a welcome addition to my “mentourage!”