Monthly Archives: August 2015

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Meet #28 Feeding Kris

Sunday, August 17, 2014
TEXT to Kris
I have a perfect ripe pear. It should be eaten tonight.  Can you pop down and help me out with that? 1:09 PM
=====
1:16 PM TEXT from Kris
I shouldn’t but can’t resist.  Won’t take advantage of poor little me will u?   😉
1:17 PM TEXT from me
I can text you when I get back from lunch. Aim for 6? 
1:18 PM TEXT from Kris
Ok
1:19 PM TEXT from me
🙂 
1:24 PM TEXT from Kris
Don’t frighten the children. down Sassy. sit. don’t scare poor Kris   😉
1:26 PM TEXT from me
Who? Oh… she’s gone.  I shut her away. 
1:40 PM TEXT from me
I have corn on the cob, grapes and raspberries from the farm stand too
1:43 PM TEXT from Kris
You’re a liar… the demure lady can barely handle Sassy. But I am a big boy… and never did anything I didn’t want to.  Stories?  Oh yeah… I’m a regular “Lying, Cheating, ‘Christian’ Don Juan.”  If I’m no good for a fuck… at least I’m “highly-entertaining!”  LOL
5:08 PM TEXT from me
Heading home so 6 pm timing looks good, or whenever suits your schedule after that. 
5:29 PM TEXT from Kris
7:00 🙂 
7:16 PM TEXT from Kris
Here..where should I park bike
7:17 PM TEXT from me
Yay!  I’ll meet you in the garage.  
7:17 PM TEXT from Kris
K…  🙂 
I dashed down to open the garage door.  I stayed a distance from him as he took off his chaps.  I took a photo of the bike to send to Philip.  He walked over and gave me a long hug, then surprised me with a kiss on the lips!  That always feels good, but it was especially wonderful since I thought I wouldn’t get any physical contact! 
We went upstairs.  He sat in a tall chair near my kitchen pass-through while I grabbed food to feed to him.  He must have been starving.
  • He started with the “perfect pear” and ate all of it except the stem!  
  • Next he asked for a bowl of Progresso pasta e fagoli soup and some apple juice.  
  • He ate an ear of corn on the cob.  I fed the other one to Hubby.  
  • I also gave him a grilled chicken breast.  
  • And some green beans.  
  • And raspberry sorbet!  He poured milk on it!   
  • He made himself a cup of instant coffee. 

It was strange and fun to cook for him.  I never cook! 
We took a couple of my dining room chairs up to the roof deck.  It was a beautiful clear cool night.  We sat next to each other and I listened to him.  The big news was that he had gotten on ChristianMingles.com and was going to have lunch with three different women next weekend!  He characterized them as “Marlo Thomas,” because she looks like that actress, “The Little Old Lady Who Lives in a Shoe” because she had four children and married a guy with five children and they adopted 10 more!, and “the one like me” who went to the same college, and works for the main competitor of his employer!  I asked what about the Kris who advised his wife to wait at least six months to date so she doesn’t do something stupid on the rebound?  He said he is bad, already lying, telling them he was divorced.  I felt bad for these women and told him so.  He asked me if I was jealous and I said not really.  He can do what he wants when he is not with me but it seemed like a bad idea for him and for them. 
This ticked me off.  He puts me off because he needs to focus on the tasks around his divorce and renting out rooms in his house and… he starts using brain space for three more women!  I told him I was taking that personally… that he doesn’t want me and sex with me is no good.  He reassured me most emphatically that is not true.  He said he is crazy.  I asked if he has a brain tumor.  He said that would be great – if he could have a reason he has done all this crazy stuff.  I asked if he would let them cut it out and go back to normal.  He didn’t answer.  I asked if he thinks he is mentally ill and what DSM 4 code would he give to it?  He laughed and said that was a good question!  He asked if I would visit him in prison, that he was so crazy he assumed he was going to screw up something and get into trouble.  I told him not to talk like that. 
I spent most of my time trying not to touch him.  Not to kiss him.  My instincts press me to comfort him, to touch him, to give him some release, make him forget his troubles for a little while.  But I fought it.  He held my hand.  I struggled not to stroke his fingers. I watched the planes going and coming from Logan to take my mind off it.  
It got to be midnight and very cold, so we decided to go back downstairs.  Hubby was ensconced on the sofa playing video games so I asked Kris if he could sit on one side my bed and I’d sit on the other.  He said that would be fine.  He made a cup of coffee and I went in and sprawled on the far side so he could have the bedside table to put his cup on.  He came in, leaving the door open, and sat on the edge of the bed drinking his coffee.  
In a couple of minutes, he sprawled out and started to talk again.  He rolled over next to me, tugged me over so my head was on his shoulder.  This was incredibly tough for me… I so wanted to caress him!  I felt like I would go crazy not kissing him, but I gritted my teeth and stared at the ceiling to listen.  He told me about the tasks on his mind.  He told me more about his wife’s demands for their divorce.  He was quiet for several long periods and I thought he had fallen asleep, but when I turned my head slightly to look, he would open his eyes and smile at me.  I rubbed his face.  
About 1 am he got up to use the bathroom, and closed the door to the bedroom.  Oh?  He crawled back into bed beside me.  I was flat on my back.  He turned on his side and cuddled up next to me.  He reached across my stomach, lifted my top and traced patterns on my skin.  I shivered.  He traced lower, trailing a finger around the waistline of my slacks.  I was so revved up from holding back for hours, I started trembling and breathing raggedly right away.  I didn’t want him to ever stop, but I wanted to understand what was going on so I didn’t cross some line in my ignorance.  
“Why are you doing that?” I asked.  He said he liked listening to me get excited, liked to touch me.  He put his fingers inside my slacks, trailed them down the side of my panties, then pushed the crotch aside and started flicking my clit!  My hips popped up and I started talking to him.  
I told him how good he was making me feel, how much I love it when he finger fucks me, how much I want more, how hot I am, he makes me burn… oh yeah.. just like that.  I freed my right breast from my bra, rubbing my nipple.  He nosed my hand out of the way and sucked my nipple.  I asked him to bite it… twist it… he complied and I lost my mind, whimpering and shaking.  I came so hard!  

I told him I wanted to scream for him, but I’d better not with Hubby in the living room.  He said he understood, that he could tell what was going on.  I asked him if my body tells him and he said yes – my clit gets hard and I get very wet and I shake… he doesn’t talk much during sex so this was a real treat! 
He didn’t stop when I came… just kept flicking and pulling and sticking his finger inside and then up again.  It felt like it was going to be too much, but I rode it and it felt incredible!  I thought of very raunchy videos I’ve watched… I thought about describing them to him but my brain was beyond speech at that point.  None of them are things I want to do but thinking about them takes me over the edge!  
My phone rang at 2 am – it was Hubby calling from the other room!  He asked if he could go to bed soon.  I told him I needed 15 minutes.  
I undid Kris’ belt, undid his jeans and took his cock out of his underwear.  I thought he might stop me, but he didn’t!  I played with it with my hand until it got erect, which didn’t take long.  Then I licked it from bottom to top and cupped his balls with my other hand. He moaned and popped his hips… rubbed his hand in my hair.  I asked what he would like, as we had so little time. He said everything I do is wonderful, to just keep going. 

I slurped him down in one gulp and he gasped and started pumping his hips, fucking my mouth.  Oh man, I adore that.  I moaned to let him know how much that turns me on.  I flicked my tongue around the crown and into the hole, then sucked really loudly and bobbed up my head.  He started his patter… OH… Sassy… oh man… yes yes… and moved his hips pulling him in and out of my mouth.  He pressed my head and stayed in and gushed cum down my throat!  Yay!  I swallowed twice and he pulled out a little so it got all over my cheek and his tummy.  I played with it.  I asked him if he wanted a taste and he was like “Ewww!  No… gross!”  I told him it was natural and a lot of men taste their own.  He insisted it was not his thing.  I said it tastes good, like salted caramel.  He shook his head.  He pulled me up beside him to cuddle.

I asked him to cancel his dates with the women.  He asked why and I said that I want that time and energy, and I feel bad for them.  He said he would think about it.  We looked at the clock.  It was 2:30 am!  He got up and pulled his clothes together and went out to sleep on the couch.  I checked to be sure he had what he needed and turned in myself. 


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What I want

Sunday, August 17, 2014

8:56am

Good morning kid!  Safe travels!

8:56am Philip
Morning Sass, on my way. 
Hope you have a great Sunday!

8:58am

Having lunch with a former intern from the Midwest I haven’t seen in two years – should be great catching up! Happy trails!

8:58am Philip

Have fun!

8:59am

Kris emailed last night after 3 days of silence.  He wants to stay friends but no more sex.  What do I say to that?

8:59am Philip

Why not?

9:00am

He’s going to be GOOD now.
9:00am Philip
For awhile maybe

9:01am
He’s going to date good Christian women from church and pick one to marry.  *sigh
9:04am Philip
He’s going to find them rather boring and tame compared to you. I’ve done the good Christian women. I like the wild ones much better

9:07am
My theory is to coast along, not expect much and be pleasantly surprised if anything happens.

9:11am Philip
Not a bad way to go. Better than giving up. Anything can happen and often does

9:12am

Yeah… most people are saying just stop but you know that’s not me.

9:15am Philip

Screw most people. Most people are unhappy as shit going through boring ass lives. If you are not with someone you want to touch all time, go find that person.

Good for you

9:16am

He was so good for me… 
I hate that I have to go out looking again.  *sigh

9:17am Philip
I know that feeling.
9:17am
Heh.  What a pair we are!  
9:32am Philip
Yeah. Hindsight is so clear. Where was it when I needed it.  I just never got over feeling it wasn’t right. Ah well. 
Fred was a different person out in the country. Relaxed and fun and Fred again. We go back years. Waiting to see how that turns out. 
My wife is demanding a 4ooo dollar watch. Be a cold day in hell. Those days are over.  400 bucks maybe. She knits and sews and does little else. 
Meanwhile Fred is flashing incredible cleavage and shaking her sweet ass while shooting pool in a bar and throwing back beers. Hair blowing in the wind, singing at the top of her lungs, flashing the occasional trucker. Hmmmm
5:14pm Philip
Made it. Rainy but humid. I like it

5:15pm

See the oysters I ate for lunch!  Thought of you!  
Oysters clockwise from the top > 

  • 3 citrusy Lucky Lime from p.e.i., 
  • 3 the cucumbery Gigamotos from British Columbia and 
  • 3 buttery Royal Miyagi from British Columbia. 

I was surprised how different they tasted! In the middle we have cocktail sauce, an onion reduction and lemons.

 New England clam chowder 
with bacon lardons and a spicy crouton. 
Amazing smoky flavor!
Sugar snap pea salad
with house-made ricotta, mint, almond vinaigrette
 MAINE LOBSTER ROLL 
with cole slaw, french fries, bread & butter pickles

 Smoked shrimp beignets

 Fried oysters with a delectable mustard mayo remoulade

 Two desserts: Chocolate mousse with Heath bits 
and the brillat-savarin (triple cream soft, white-crusted cow’s milk dessert cheese) cheesecake
 with a brown butter crust, macerated plums 
 Fresh blueberry custard tart 
 The gate points the way in to B&G Oysters 
http://bandgoysters.com/

5:16pm Philip
Why thank you!

Cum play!

5:20pm Philip

[photo of his smiling face sitting on a hotel bed in a hoodie]
5:47pm

[hot photo of a woman lying on her back sucking a man standing over her]
http://38.media.tumblr.com/4febc692541edae2a5a746b4a94de10f/tumblr_n1xx9zgAa91s1bhx2o1_500.gif
5:50pm Philip
Damn girl!

I could use a little of that

5:59pm

Here’s what I want.  Click to see 10 panels of sexy. 
 http://kiqx.tumblr.com/post/90354335868

6:11pm Philip
Nice!

6:12pm

His thumb on her hard nipple, and him tapping her clit… oh yes!

Kris is coming over tonight.  To talk.

How do I get him into the bedroom?!

6:21pm Philip

Just let it flow or you will scare him off

6:21pm

I know… *sigh

What does Fred do to get you there when you think you won’t?

6:39pm Philip
She shows off those amazing tits, and sits real close, hands on my knees and just works her magic. Last time she just dropped her pants in the kitchen bent over and said cum here and I did. There was no return. I said we are not doing this, she grabbed my cock, inserted it and backed up and said oh yes we are. Dear god

6:41pm

Hmmm… hot!    But doesn’t sound like my style.
But desperate times may call for desperate measures!

6:44pm Philip
She is such a sexual thing. Love her body. She is very flexible, used to dance. And talk about a hot box, wow. She is unreal

6:46pm

I have developed a “second personality” that is very… sassy.  You would be surprised.
6:55pm Philip
I like it
6:56pm
You set me in the right direction… four years ago tomorrow!

7:24pm

The bike
[photo of Kris with his Harley parked in my garage]
7:29pm Philip
Nice!   I want one

7:55pm Philip

7:58pm
Kris asks what kind you want?

8:17pm Philip
Electra Glide Ultra

10:52pm Philip
Very hot stuff. Using it to beat off to

11:09pm
 : )
11:09pm Philip
Thank you

11:11pm

been up on the roof w/K, solving the problems of the world.

11:11pm Philip

Hah Solve this problem
11:12pm Philip
[photo of his beautiful cock from above]
11:17pm Philip
Did you solve anything!?

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Stay my friend

Saturday, August 16, 2014

I finally got a couple texts and a late-night email.  He was in rare form, dropping bombshells.  
====
11:30 PM TEXT from Kris
Divorce imminent…dating other women…but no sex with them. telling u cuz not ready to let u go. u know me in ways no one else does. that’s a kind of intimacy I can’t easily let go of. could u be my intimate friend with no sex?
11:46 PM TEXT from Kris
If u say yes…u will stay my friend. then I should meet your sister so you won’t be sad that I didn’t.   I want to hear how u explain our “new relationship” to her…  (assuming u let us have one…unless it would be too hard…..since Sassy can hardly resist Kris Kringle.   😉

=====
From: Kris
To: Sassy
Sent: August 17, 2014 1:48 AM
Subject: re: Weekend times 
Sent you a text asking you if we could have a unique, intimate, non-sexual relationship.  May be too much for Sassy to resist Mr. Studly Kris….but you are in a unique position.  Literally no one in the world knows the “real me”–the good, bad, and ugly like you do.  Here’s an ironic fact…I could hardly get laid to save my life on AM.  But I have Christian women beating down my door who are looking for husbands.  I have dates with several of them lined up.  So now I can “cheat” on them with you…AND NOT EVEN HAVE SEX WITH YOU!!!!   Now tell me why I shouldn’t be officially crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!
=====

I could not think of how to respond.  I don’t know what he is really offering or if I want it, and I am certainly not going to answer electronically.  So I decided to sleep on it.  I focused on getting him here to talk in person.


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A new place

Saturday, August 16, 2014
8:33am Philip
Morning. Went to see Fred’s new place. Spectacular old town in the mountains. Great pub in walking distance. I could live there happily. Nice evening.

The Beach Gal unfriended me which is probably a good thing. I don’t belong anywhere in her life anymore and I don’t need to watch the developing story.

Hope your Saturday is grand!

8:33am Philip
[photo of a smiling red-headed woman gazing adoringly at the camera]
   
8:33am Philip
I think she was happy to see me

8:56am
Aww…great she found a nice place you can visit.

9:08am Philip

I think she will be much happier there. Historic Victorian house that’s being fixed up. Wonderful town surrounded by breweries and wineries.

12:33pm
Having lunch with Mom at a different Chinese place in the far corner of Woburn, Sichuan Garden.  She had her usual pork lo mein but I ate other things!

 Hot & sour soup
 Peking ravioli
 Ma pa tofu with pork
 The historic house that seems like an unlikely place for a Chinese restaurant! 

2:17pm
We also made a quick trip to Wilson Farm.  They had so many fresh veggies and beautiful flowers today!

by

Weekend times

Friday, August 15, 2014

Nothing from Kris all day.  I had resolved not to pester him, but finally caved and emailed him when I got home from work.  I wanted to know how things had gone!  I wanted him to know when he could see me!

=====

From: Sassy
To: Kris
Sent: August 15, 2014 6:00 PM
Subject: Weekend times 
Hiya!  How’s my favorite dear sweet conflicted celibate handsome man today?  
Not sure if you were still thinking to see me Sunday, but I just had a call from a former student worker who is in town this weekend only (that I haven’t seen for 2 years), and he wants to have lunch with his sister and me on Sunday, so I will be busy with that from about 1-5 pm.  
I am alone tonight, and free tomorrow after I see Mom, and Sunday morning and Sunday evening… and I would be glad to listen to the latest in your story.  But if not, I understand!

Hope you had a good meeting with minister and are feeling calmer. 

=====

No response.  *sigh 

I need to get used to this, go about my business and be pleasantly surprised when he gets in touch.  But it is tough!


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Strange days

Friday, August 15, 2014
6:18am Philip
Morning girl. Hope your day is good.

Trying to figure out exactly how I feel this morning. Sad, depressed, OK, I don’t know. I do know I have no choice but to move on, enjoy the memories when they come up and wish them the best. There is no recovery from this. I could never go back.

7:43am

Happy Friday!
I’m splitting my brain between a soft smile over The Lawyer and a few tears over missing Kris.  Ah what strange days we are in!  Have a productive day!

8:05am Philip

Indeed. I am so messed up. My heart is broken and confused. My brain has no idea what is happening. Priests have more active sex  lives than I do. I’m the only guy I know that takes a woman out, drops a couple grand and is content with a kiss and thank you.  My joy came from seeing how happy she was and watching her pick out the fabric and colors. Then a delightful dinner, fun conversation in the ride home. It was a good night. I’m such a SAP

3:44pm Philip

Stuck in unreal traffic! How was your day? I’m going to have a beer when I get out of this and kiss a red head. Why the hell not?

3:53pm

Had a nice lunch at Border with a theater pal.  Gumbo!  Crawfish Étouffée! Headed home now.  Hope the traffic lets up!

3:57pm Philip

Sounds wonderful!  I’m traveling next week. Almost out of the traffic. There’s a smooch and a handful of a very nice ass coming up.

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Meet #3 The Lawyer’s Annual Visit

Thursday, August 14, 2014 
From: Sassy
To: The Lawyer
Sent: Thursday, August 14, 2014 7:49 AM
Subject: re: hey there
Good morning hot stuff!  

The sun has returned and I have this feeling it’s going to be a fantastic day!  
-S
=====
From: The Lawyer
To: Sassy
Sent: Thursday, August 14, 2014 8:41 AM
Subject: hey there
I’m certainly looking forward to it, and to seeing you! 
=====

I crossed my fingers that he would not back out.  I managed to get some work done, then left the office early at 3 pm and took the bus home.  It was such a perfect day – clear, 70s, not humid. 
I cleaned up a few more things… thank goodness the cleaners were here yesterday! 
========

Just as I was beginning to worry – he texted me! 
TEXT 4:01 pm from The Lawyer 
I’m almost there

TEXT 4:02 pm from Sassy
See you at the garage!
TEXT 4:03 pm from The Lawyer 
Ok
TEXT 4:08 pm from The Lawyer 
Missed it — going around block
I stood outside waiting for him.  Very quickly, he turned into the lot in a beautiful classic sports car.  He smiled and rolled down the passenger side window. I forget what an amazing smile he has… and that twinkle in his eyes!  So merry!  
He offered to go park on the street but I told him this was fine. I told him my space number and he pulled in. 
He got out and gave me a quick hug.  We walked to the elevator, and had a nice kiss alone in there. 
I showed him the first floor – gym, lobby, pool – then we went up to my condo.  I showed him around inside, offered him water or grapes or… he said he was fine. 

He was very nice to my cats.  They smooed all over him!  
We went into my bedroom, hugged and kissed, then sat on the bed and talked for about half an hour, catching up on each other’s lives – his kids, work, about my projects, about Hubby finding a nice woman.
I told him about seeing two guys this year from AM – much better than the bunch from the prior year!  I told him about Kris getting busted.  He told me he sees a college friend now and then.  
We started kissing… groping… undressing.  He has such a great body! 
He focused on me – exploring my body, touching, tasting.  He has great oral skills! He also likes to tease my ass, using my juices to get his finger wet then circling…mmmm. 
I returned the favor.  I got out my toys to show him.  He touched each one, fascinated.  I told him about how they had enhanced my sex life, how my last guy had said the combo of my mouth and the vibration was poetry!  
I chose the silver bullet to try out on him.  I used it and my mouth, and he said he agreed with my last guy, though it felt more like a symphony to him!  Hee!  He came hard and I swallowed gulp after gulp. Yum.  
He collapsed smiling.  He rested awhile, and we talked.  
He got that special smile and reached for the silver bullet vibe and the tiny black vibrating butt plug, using them together on me… whee!  I had a tingling orgasm.  Sooo good! 
I rolled over and we cuddled – his front to my back.  He played with my chest and my clit!  Yum. 
He said he was ready to go again, couldn’t wait anymore… I nodded and he pressed me onto my stomach, got behind me, grabbed my hips and went inside me with one quick push!  He gave me a great pounding doggie style!  Yowza.  I came hard while he filled a condom spurt after spurt!  
We cuddled together and talked about broken bones, 9/11, various lawyers we know.  He told me the story of meeting his wife at work!  I adore his stories!  
I marveled that he was working right there in the building next door most of the time I worked for the law firm.  We talked about where he goes out to lunch, many of the places I frequented!  He said he might have been in line behind me and admired my ass while I ordered a steak & cheese sub!  I told him I was quite the looker in those days… in a Harve Benard suit, silk blouse, high-heeled pumps, skinny, long dark hair… 
He played with various spots on my back.  Mmm… 
We finally looked at the clock – it was 7:05 pm!  He said he really had to go.  I asked if it had been okay to be here?  He said it was fine.  I asked if I should invite him again soon or leave him alone for a year.  He shrugged and said the stars had aligned this time, but it is tough and he needs to be careful.  I told him he could invite himself if he notices any time that would work.  
He asked if he could shower?  I waved him into my bathroom.  I checked my email – there’s a new baseball commissioner! 
I dressed and kissed him a bit more, then went down to the garage with him, and opened the door.  He waved with a big smile and headed off into the twilight. 

It was a lovely interlude.  It made me miss Kris.  It made me realize how deep Kris and I are into each other.  Or were.  *sigh  But this was light, fun and definitely fulfilled my physical needs without complications! 
=====
From: Sassy
To: The Lawyer
Sent: Thursday, August 14, 2014 7:58 PM
Subject: No more Dolphin
Thank you for a lovely afternoon!  
Went back to my computer and this popped up.  I have such fond memories of our first lunch there! 
Boston Burger Company May Be Moving into Dolphin Seafood Space in Cambridge
Boston Restaurant Talk
http://bostonrestaurants.blogspot.com/2014/05/boston-burger-company-may-be-coming-to.html
A burger restaurant that has locations in Somerville and Boston may be opening a third, with this one apparently being between Harvard Square and Central Square in Cambridge.
View on bostonrestaurants.blogspot.com

by

Beautiful and clear

Thursday, August 14, 2014
From: Kris
To: Sassy
date: Thu, Aug 14, 2014 at 7:54 AM
subject: Re: conflicted / don’t know what to do
Hi Sassy Real you (even though you don’t see yourself that way  😉
That was the most beautiful and clear email.  Thank you for taking the time to say all that.  I understand where you are at.  I’m glad you have moved on from where you were when you originally wrote “the email not to send.”  I might still be curious to read it if you would let me…just as a “comparison point” to see how you were “in one place then”…..and “another place now.”  But it’s not a pressing thing….just curious.  
I thought about the 2 1/2 hour ride on the bike after I wrote it and realized that you probably had in mind “to the end of the parking lot and back”  LOL.  But you are such a good sport–and not a scaredy cat at all.  Think of the things you’ve done with me that you never did before–how some of them were scary but you decided to do them anyhow.  I loved how you were gasping out like having an orgasm terrified as we got toward the top of Mt. Washington in my car.  I kept teasing you saying, “You’re having an orgasm.”  You were making gasping sounds that sounded like it (not that I have much experience knowing how you sound when you have orgasms–give you a quarter later.  You should charge me more for self-deprecation if you really want me to stop).  
Anyhow, I know you want physical contact (a polite way of saying fuck your brains out as much as possible).  But you are so experienced at “taking whatever you can get.”  So you are figuring out what that might look like for where I’m at right now…that you can live with if you still see me.  I’m still highly-conflicted—even about this much contact.  But apparently I haven’t decided to stop communicating with you altogether–or I just would.  But I would at least tell you, “This is what I think I should do.”  Of course, I tried that once before–and wasn’t successful.  But I promised I would never “just go silent” without any warning.  
I won’t be able to be single forever.  If I start dating other people I will tell you.  They would probably be Christians with the good intention of not having sex before marriage (of course as many don’t really succeed at that as do).  In the meantime, here we are…and I’m happy to be talking to you…conflicted about it…..and now starting to cry.  
Lots is going on here.  You are right – there is nothing you can really do directly about any of it, except what you are doing. just be your “Sassy/Real” self…thank you.
Kris
=====
Kris: Good morning…Ty for that beautiful email. made me cry…sent one back. know u r swamped at work. I have to get ton of financial docs together for divorce settlement. taking time off from work to do it. hard to be forced into pure “save my ass(ets)” mode. dont want to ramble or vent here. hope u survive “b on wheels” today.  maybe chat tonite. 8:05 AM
Me: Good morning! Running to work. Thinking of you. Sending you strength and a crotch grab! Mwah! 8:17 AM
Kris: Wow! Try to keep that Sassy on a leash there toots! 😉 8:19 AM
Me: I may have a meet this afternoon… The Lawyer! He was the first AM guy I met. I see him once a year. Heh. It’s been a month since I had any action so I am READY! 12:53 PM
Kris: go for it girl! makes me a little sad, but glad u r moving on. lost a lover but for now keeping a friend and intimate one, just in different way 1:09 PM
Me: Please don’t be sad. This does not change anything for me with you. I am still here for you in all ways you will have me. Just a once a year thing while you are focused elsewhere, to help me from pouncing on you! 1:40 PM
Kris: I know. I understand but I can’t help it. u may think I should b another way but u know me better than that miss smarty pants. Make sure he wears a condom, in case I have a future “weak moment” with u – u know how I am about sharks in the water. 😉 1:53 PM
Me: I definitely want you back in my bed, (Busy tomorrow night? Hubby will be out 🙂 ) but I completely understand what you’re going thru, and am not pressuring you, just keeping up our agreement to be honest. This is me getting relief elsewhere but it means nothing. I do not think you should be anything other than what you are and I will roll with whatever that is. Condoms for sure > I know how you are! He is very similar! 2:04 PM
Kris: u don’t need to explain so much. I know u want me. I can’t in all the ways u need right now. still want u on my bike though… 😉 2:35 PM
Me: Hiya! Hope you’re having a good evening. 9:48 PM 
Kris: just got back from working out. bought a laptop. rented a dvd to watch. got an early morning breakfast meeting with pastor and friend tomorrow. hope they don’t ask u know what.  brain is cooked. gonna watch movie and go to bed.  🙂 10:35 PM
Me: Thanks for the update. Gentle hugs… 10:37 PM
Kris: 🙂 10:42 PM
Me: I miss you dear man… Sleep well. 10:52 PM
Kris: u 2… 🙂 10:59 PM


by

Engagement

Thursday, August 14, 2014
7:50am
Good morning! Beautiful cool day here and I have a meet this afternoon! 
Hope you have a great Thursday!

The Lawyer, the first online guy I met, that I see once a year, is visiting me at home.  Think good thoughts for me.

7:51pm Philip

Oh cool!   The Beach Gal got engaged today. I’m happy for her. I guess I saw this coming. 5 months and engaged, wow. I guess that closes the chapter. I hope they live a truly wonderful life. I think I need a drink.

7:52pm

Oh Philip… wow.

I just had a great meet with The Lawyer. : )

7:53pm Philip

Good for you!   I’m glad!

7:54pm
This is odd.  I just saw an announcement that the restaurant where I first met The Lawyer is closing!  No more Dolphin Seafood.  Wow.  It had been there forever.  I hope that’s not a bad omen.

7:55pm

Did she tell you about being engaged?

7:55pm Philip

She has been hiding her posts from me and today she posts the pic of her hand with “he must like it cause he put a ring on it.” All I can do is wish her well.

Oh no. Went for Max public effect

8:02pm

Ugh… that kinda stinks.  Sorry kid.
8:04pm Philip
Kinda her “in your face” style. I can at least move on. Got some great memories and she is apparently happy. I’m ok with that.

8:10pm

Really?

8:15pm Philip

No not really but if she’s really happy I’m happy for her. She always said money meant nothing to her. She wanted to be loved and be someone’s one and only.  I’m glad she found that but the guy is suspect in my eyes.

8:20pm Philip

Fred is moving. She found a place close to where she works. I’m curious to see if she is different in a new environment. I bought her a couch as a housewarming gift. She needed one and she can’t afford to buy it. Now she can focus on curtains and that kind of stuff. She was like a kid picking the thing out. Glad I could help out.

8:21pm

You are very generous!  Well… The Beach Gal slept with you married… maybe she will sleep with you married to him?

8:21pm Philip

All I wanted in return was a smile and a hug.

8:26pm Philip

I have no desire for that. She had other guys before me in her marriage, several while with me and there will be others but not me. Her guy is big, not muscular, tattoos on legs and arms and her friends don’t like or trust him. He gets to live in a nice house for free for the price of a cheap ring. I don’t want to fuck her. I love her, I wanted the whole thing. Is what it is. I can’t impact it or change it.

8:33pm

Did you get your smile and hug from Fred?

8:37pm Philip

I did. Took her to dinner after picking out the couch.  Was fun watching how excited she was.  Dropped her off at home, kissed her goodnight and left.

8:52pm Philip

Glad you had a fun night!

8:52pm

It made me miss Kris.. but it was fine
8:53pm Philip
Yeah I hear you.
8:54pm Philip
[photo of Fred’s dog]

8:54pm Philip

[Another photo of Fred’s dog]
That’s our pooch. We got him as a pup. Fred and I. He’s such a pretty boy

8:55pm

Beauty!
            
8:55pm Philip
He’s a big baby

by

Fly with me

Wednesday, August 13, 2014
from: Kris
to: Sassy
date: Wed, Aug 13, 2014 at 12:37 AM
subject: conflicted / don’t know what to do
Hi Real You+Sassy 😉
I sat on my bike after work at 8:30pm last night and texted you my craziness about riding on my bike.  And I want to take you for a ride on my bike, but it’s about being conflicted, and I shouldn’t be talking to you or suggesting anything and it’s not fair to you, but I still have little fantasies and miss you, and interviewing a divorce lawyer yesterday and today, and people moving in to live with me (provides some income but don’t really want them here) and sad, and adult children angry with me……..
I sat in a library to use their wifi and reveled in plotting out a whole trip on back roads from Boston to just north of Newport RI…fantasized about taking you on that road this coming Sunday – going to that restaurant you love down there…and you know if you said you would go….I would.  
It would be a long trip on back roads – probably 2 1/2 hours, but I would not let anything bad happen to you. Remember how you said you just put yourself in my hands on the boat and it worked out?  It would be just like that.  You would be a little scared, but I would make sure you were safe.  I sat there in the library and moved the route along by pointing and clicking and changing the default route and I tried to find roads that looked like they wouldn’t be too heavily traveled, but not too slow. and I looked at the weather. It’s supposed to be nice on Sunday. so tell the new guy who thinks he’s getting a blow job on Sunday he’ll have to wait to another day. LOL. sorry. I’m now almost completely crazy.
Just contacting you again crossed the line. might as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb, but I don’t know what I can do…or want. want to bring you for a bike ride, but that’s not really it. but sort of is. so if this sounds crazy, well, I’m a strange man.
Real Kris misses real you more than Sassy… and Sassy wants Kris to fuck her. but real me has these silly lines and pushes Sassy back and hugs and lightly kisses…but that’s an affair as much as fucking. and it’s REALLY hard and confusing on too many levels right now.
write me a really long email and let me inside your head… really inside. you know me.
sorry you had a long day yesterday…tell me about that if you want to.
texting is too tedious….should commit emotional adultery through IM again.  Were we doing that (IM) on some form of Gmail? Can’t remember.
Send me the things you wrote down for the three weeks we didn’t talk.  I don’t care what it was or if you feel embarrassed by it. I REALLY want to know!
If this is too hard and painful tell me, and I will treat you with the same respect you have treated me with and let you go……
Kris
=====
Kris: Good morning. Sorry if I taxed your tired brain last night. Sent u a “rambling” email middle of the night. Reply if u want…or feel free to say “Need a break” or “Should end for good”…. or whatever is really in your heart. Hope we r beyond just being “nice.” (Though u always r…which is something I miss). 9:01 AM
Me: Good morning! Adored your email. Glad that you can take a break from the weight on you and fly with me in your mind. Work is crazy. I’ll respond more soon. I want you. You are fun to be nice to. You make me smile. We’ll figure it out. Stay dry! 9:34 AM
Kris: 🙂 9:57 AM
=====
from: Sassy
to: Kris
date: Wed, Aug 13, 2014 at 3:37 PM
subject: Re: conflicted / don’t know what to do
Hiya Real Kris and Crazy Kris, 
I hope your Wednesday is going along okay.  It is so dreary out and my boss is being a total toad, so having your email to make me take a break and think of better things is so wonderful! 
Strap yourself in – I am going to blather on! 
I adore it when you tell me where you are and what you doing and thinking.  I can see you with your chaps on, legs splayed over that monster machine… yum.  I know you need to tell someone and I am happy for it to be me.  It’s tough for me to tell how much requires a response and how much is you “letting off steam.”  I’ll respond a bit and if there are parts you wanted my take on that I don’t reply to, feel free to say “but what about…?” 
Sorry I was so slow on the uptake last night.  I am in a huge crunch at work for the next two weeks, where I need to be three people and my boss is being awful to me about it, and then being with my mom was tough and then I came home and prep for the cleaners because Hubby can not seem to understand the concept.  *sigh  My brain literally stopped functioning!  You know I adore playing your games and will try to keep up next time. 
I’m so happy that you had fun dreaming of taking me on another trip.  The idea of going to RI with you both delights and terrifies me.  When I said I wanted to try riding with you, I was thinking… about a mile and back!  I can’t imagine doing it for hours at a time.  I have no idea what that means!  But this is me being a scaredy cat again.  I want to get over it, be brave, but this is very very tough.  I would love to be with you, show you my favorite places.  Let’s wait another day or two to decide if you should carry through with your offer.  
I can’t help much with your conflicts, other than to be here for you and give you space to figure it out.  Only you can say which way makes you less crazy.  Seems like you have tried “no contact” and that is not working.  So you are tossing around other ideas.  I don’t want to be your “bad habit” or your “weak moment.”  But I am willing to be your secret, your support, your sometimes lover and your always friend, whether I hear from you or not.  I find myself still very interested in what happens to you, and I still enjoy being with you.  I strain for more physical contact, because I don’t get it otherwise, but am willing to be patient while you figure out your boundaries.  I do not want to cause you extra stress.  
Still undecided about whether to share “the email I wrote not to send” as I have moved on from there… I will look it over later tonight and decide.  Maybe I will let you look at it when/if I am with you again. 
The night you said goodbye was hard, but fair.  Not hearing from you was hard.  I have crossed over into a better place now.  If it gets too tough or painful, I will tell you. I think we’re to the place that no matter what happens, we’ll be connected somehow, sometimes.  I’ve been through a crisis with you and that bonds people in good and bad ways… I hope we can make the best of it in ways that make both our lives better. 
You are welcome to IM me again.  If you look at Gmail on your computer, there should be an area on the left side that has chat options, with a green button next to my name.  You can click it and type in the chat box that opens.  I will get it on my phone and computer.  I may not be able to respond right away, but I will.  Hubby will be out tonight and I will home, so I can talk whenever!  But if you need your brain for other things, I will not be offended. 
Non-threatening hugs! 

-S