Monthly Archives: November 2013

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More periods

Here’s more in the conversation with “The Pest” aka “The Man with too many periods.”  If you missed the first part go here.

Asking him #1’s questions slowed him down a bit, thank goodness.  I can only take so many periods in a day!  It took him two days to answer this time.  He did make the switch to my Yahoo email!  

Fri Nov 23 12:01:56 2012
From: RobsterMan@aol.com
To: Sassy’s Yahoo address
…..Sassy……..to answer your questions…..First let me tell you ,I love big women and also those with an edge ..like you………….I don’t want to make love to a pretzel stick with a dress on !!!…….Ques #1..looking for someone that really wants to be made to feel like a real woman,has great stamina,loves to try many positions etc……..Ques#2….rock and roll………Ques#3…great butt and big puppies ….Ques#4..pub……Ques#5…Tina Turner……..Ques#6…..15 yrs old…………Now for the good stuff…..I will saturate you with foreplay until you beg me to make love to you ………I will tease you ,inch by inch,a little in ,a little out,etc………….I have been told that I have great equipment and know how to use it . A quote from a lady ‘you are blessed with what you have’……..my pleasure is to please women and would enjoy getting to really ‘know you’……..my e-mail is [redacted]@aol.com………….Hope to hear from you……..Best………Rob
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Never seen breasts called puppies before.  He meant tits, right?

He didn’t tell me any stories.  Those questions are supposed to give a guy a chance to tell me stories.  Ah, well.  

I did adore this part “I love big women and also those with an edge ..like you………….I don’t want to make love to a pretzel stick with a dress on !!!”
Oh my… an AOL email address?  Really?  I haven’t seen one of those since… I don’t know when!
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To: RobsterMan@aol.com
From: Sassy
Fri Nov 23 13:03:31 2012

Well, well… hello to you, Rob!  Thanks for switching to email.  Though I haven’t seen an aol address in a long time… wow.  I see you survived Thanksgiving and are back to your frisky self today.  I appreciate you playing along to answer the questions – very interesting!  Here are my sassy answers and some comments on yours.  [redacted – find them under emails to #1 here]
Any questions you want to ask me?  Be bold.

-S
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RobsterMan@aol.com
Sat Nov 24 09:37:05 2012
To: Sassy’s Yahoo address
……Sassy…………..I’M not sure how bold you want me to be in an e-mail ,but here goes and if I overstep ,please let me know and I will apologize…………Qoestions for you………which do you prefer,pussy eating,tit sucking,positions for fucking?……..I like all of these ,especially doggy style…..        I really want to lick you all over and make you cum many,many  times……….these e-mails are good but I want to see you ….over a coffee or whatever…..we should make plans to have our own special Xmas …private  !!!!……Are you ready for this? I am but can wait if you’re not ………….PS….I’ll bet you can’t take me all the way in your mouth ……………….love to hear your thoughts on this stuff…………Best ………Rob
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I don’t know about you, but I find it almost impossible to read these messages and take them seriously. But he is so earnest.  I will give him another chance and keep writing.

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Thankful thoughts

Thursday, November 22, 2012
7:22am Phil
Happy Thanksgiving Sass!

In the office early, then a workout and then bloody marys and mimosas and then let the cooking begin! Hope it’s a wonderful day.  I have much to be grateful for and you are at the top of the list.  Have a great day Sass.  YAY FOOTBALL!

9:33am
Happy Thanksgiving kid!  You are so eloquent!  The power of your words to inspire people and make one woman smile when she needs it most is spectacular!!  I can’t mention your name at the table when Sis asks what we’re thankful for, but I am alive because of you and thank God for you every day!

Hope you have great food, some time to yourself, and your football team shows up!  Mwah!

11:38am Phil
Have a great day 😉
[5 photos came to my email from his phone- Turkey roasting, pies, etc. I posted a bunch of photos of food and family on Facebook for him to see.  It felt so good to share the holiday with him in a small way.]
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Sentimental soul

To: Scot
From: Sassy
Mon, Nov 19, 2012 at 7:57 PM
Subject: Holiday prep
Hiya Scot, 
Did your week get off to a good start?  Hope so! 
Awww… glad you liked my humble words.  What did I say that was so great… tips to make the holiday a little less stressful?  I hope it works!  It makes me so happy to help. Someone should benefit from all my years of tweaking the family into shape.   I was in a discussion years ago about what my “shirt” says, i.e. what people think when they meet me.  Someone said, “Talk to me and I will make it better.”  And everyone nodded!  So even if you can’t see “my shirt” I think you’ve figured it out anyway.  
I was meeting with my boss from 4-4:30 pm and wishing I was talking to you instead.  I don’t know what topic we would have landed on, but it would have to be better than my project list.  
Are you finding the students are taking off already?  About a third of my co-workers are already gone.  Two are staying to the bitter end, going home Wednesday afternoon or not at all, so I won’t be unassisted.  Bad things happen when I have to answer the office phones. 
Thank you for giving me something good to think about when my life is a little chaotic.  I won’t say your name aloud at dinner Thursday when my sister asks what we are thankful for, but know that you are on my mind.  
I dare you to count the items that pass through your hands in the soapy water… my sister is having 18 people and making too many dishes with pots and pans and utensils.  I will have you beat on the washing front for sure!  Hmmm… wonder what I should bet? 
Oof… that was way too serious!  I’d better wink at you and flash my chest as I dash away.  Hugs!
-Sassy 
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From: Scot
To: Sassy
Sent: Monday, November 19, 2012 11:54 PM
Re: Holiday prep
Hey, S,
Actually, yes, the week did get off to a good start–although, as you suspected, a hefty percentage of my students have already left for Thanksgiving break.
As to what was so “great” about your e-mail–I honestly don’t know, except that it just came across as genuine, a message from someone who didn’t have a hidden agenda or a score to settle.  Sad to say, at this point in my life, and in my line of work, I don’t get too many communications like that.  So I’m appreciative when I do receive them.
In any event, I gave a stunning lecture today!  To judge by the glazed expressions on the faces of my students, I didn’t set many pulses racing.  Oh, well.
Look forward to speaking with you–and, hopefully, MEETING you–soon.
–Scot
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To: Scot
Tue, Nov 20, 2012 at 8:13 PM
From: Sassy 
Re: Holiday prep
Hiya Handsome.  
Did you finish work with a flair?  I had a wild day but hope tomorrow will be better.  
Does anyone ever tell you that you look like Richard Branson?  He’s quite good-looking! 
Geesh… you are such a cynic!  Are you a tough world-weary curmudgeon or a sweet dog someone has kicked too often?  Never mind… it doesn’t matter.  I like both parts.  
Ah – you have discovered my terminal flaw.  I am nice.  My agenda is hardly hidden.  I want to make you happy, and get some passion in return.  That’s it!  
Don’t let the family get you down!  Pop in hear and I will try to make you smile.  
-S
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From: Scot
Wednesday, Nov 21, 2012
To: Sassy
Re: Holiday prep
Hey S,
Well, the house is PACKED with relatives, but one of them is my lethally cute five-year-old niece, so I’m happy.  I’ve actually been able to get some work done, too, which is good.
No, actually, I’m not a cynic.  Far from it.  My daughters kid me about how sentimental I am, and how I always seemed to cry when I read to them when they were younger.  Oh, well.
Hope your holiday is going swimmingly, and I look forward to seeing you soon.
–Scot
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Easier to pound

Wednesday, November 21, 2012
To: Phil
Subject: Wednesday wow
Date: November 21, 2012 11:17:00 AM EST
From: Sassy Girl
Hiya kid. 
I am about to lock down the office and roll off to lunch somewhere fun.  I still smiling (and a little wet) thinking about last night.  Wow.  You are so special.  Never forget that!  You made me remember what a sassy girl I am!  Hope you are having a good Wednesday!  
From:  Phil   
Subject: Re: Wednesday wow
Date: November 21, 2012 1:11:51 PM EST
To: Sassy Girl
Wet is good. The easier to pound that tight pussy!
From:  Phil   
Subject: Re: Wednesday wow
Date: November 21, 2012 1:48:51 PM EST
To: Sassy Girl
About to see the show.  Awesome place!

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The Man With Lots of Periods

I got a message from another AM guy!

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Date:  Nov 18th – 1:41pm
From:  Rob
Message:

Hi……..read your profile……….liked it ………I am smart and funny…..I teach at a college ,am in great shape , love to please women…’real women’…..would love to chat with you and see what happens…………….hope to hear from you…………best ………….Rob
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Well well… another professor.  But what an odd format.  Maybe there was a sale on periods?  And spaces before commas.  And single quotes?  Yikes.  
I popped onto AM to check out his profile.  Let’s see… Hmmm… 5’10” and 160 pounds.  Another shorter, skinny guy.  I’m off those for now after Speedy.  Not fair to let him ruin it for all guys of his stature, but…. I need a break.
He clicked a bunch of check boxes.  Nothing scary but zzzzz.  His writing has that same explosion of periods.  Strange.  Here’s a fun line “I love a woman who smells delicious.”  Okay.  Not thrilling me.  I may be shallow to want a man who know how to punctuate, but I’m taking a pass. 
Three days later – he wrote again!  
Date:  Nov 21st – 1:20pm
From:  Rob
Message:
Hey Miss Sassy ……….it’s Rob ,again ,with my second ‘shout out’ to you …………let’s talk …….what harm would that do?………I would like to hear from you ……all the best ……………
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What?  This was my first experience with a guy writing twice.  That is so…not done!  It’s in the AM FAQ.  Don’t pester a lady who does not reply!  He spent money twice?  Hunh.  I decided to write back and say thanks but no thanks.  So here goes with my first rejection letter:
To: Rob on AM
Date:  Nov 21st – 3:31pm
From:  Sassy
Message:
Hiya Rob. My goodness! Thank you! Two messages… during a holiday week, no less! It is lovely that you are writing when everyone else is busy with family. What on earth in the profile of curvy lady or your life that would inspire that?! 
You have a great profile, but I wasn’t going to waste your time. Feel free to give me your rationale if you don’t agree. Here’s my logic. I aim to make a man happy and I don’t think I can do it for you because: 
1. I can rock your world online or on the phone, but I am a BIG gal. I don’t pay much attention to stats, but I find that men under 6 feet/ 230 pounds aren’t happy when they see me. There is such a social stigma to being with a woman about the same height and bigger… even if no one sees me but you, it is tough to fight it. It’s sad that a bright, funny, sexy woman with a gorgeous smile, blue eyes, sultry voice can’t have that offset her size but that seems to be the way of the world and the visual nature of men. 
2. I worry that I’d squish you! 
3. You picked “anything goes” and I appreciate your honesty, but I don’t want to look for someone again in a short time. 
4. Your brothers-in-cheating have muddied the waters. I’ve had bad meets, so I am shy right now. It might take me awhile to meet and you probably want someone to suck on you next week. Oops… that may have been a little too blunt. Ah, well. 
5. I smell bad. Just kidding! That’s sassy me! But I’m not into perfumes… 
You deserve the woman of your dreams! And from what you wrote, it’s not me. But I do have natural breasts! I am a boob man’s bliss. And I don’t mind chatting if you want a buddy. Give me your email or yahoo chat ID if you want off of here. Not productive if you’re looking for sex soon. But as you say, it can’t hurt. If not, Best of luck! Happy Thanksgiving! -Sassy
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Of course, he wrote right back. 
Date:  Nov 21st – 8:36pm
From:  Rob
Message:
Sassy……..it is a busy time but you must see how interested I am in getting to know you…….this was the fastest rejection I have ever received…..WOW………I really love ‘big’ women and I know I CAN ‘HANDLE’ you….you can be shy and we can take some time…….so don’t write me off so fast.I also don’t chase a thousand different women…..let me make you happy …..it can happen …..I’m in great physical shape ,take care of myself and know we can hit it off…….why not give me a chance ,we only live once ……..let’s meet for coffee soon and see what we think………I’m a good guy looking for someone to make happy…..I KNOW you will like me if we can speak in person and go slow,if that’s what you want……..don’t throw me away so fast …….have a great holiday ……I look forward to hearing from you …….soon……….best ……..Rob
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Hmmm… okay.  I’ll explore a little further.  Let’s see what he does with #1’s famous questions. 
To: Rob on AM
Date: Nov 21, 2012
From: Sassy
Hiya Rob,
Why are you so interested?  What did you see in my profile?  I know…I’m female, but besides that? 
My goodness, what a salesman you are!  It was not a rejection… just trying to tell it like it is.  Keep you from spending days talking to me and then be disappointed.  But hey, if you want to take a chance, let’s blather on.  It’s not a busy time for me.  I have four blissful days off from work!  
Okay.  Here’s my mischief email.  Use it unless it’s not safe for you?  Don’t want you getting into trouble.  [redacted] at that yahoo place.  That’s also the way to chat with me in real time if you’re up for that. 
Here’s some questions I’ve had fun hearing answers to.  Try them out?  I’ll answer in return if you like. 
1) What are you looking for from me as a potential lover? In other words, what fantasies can I help you fulfill? What do you crave? 
2) If you were stranded on an island with a satellite radio that only got one genre of music, what would you pick?
3) What is your favorite feature on a woman?
4) Pub or nightclub?
5) If you had two magic tickets to any event, concert or show in history, where would you take me?
6) How old were you when you lost your virginity? 
Ask me whatever you think might tell you if you’d be comfortable with me.  It’s so tough to know what matters other than the feel of your skin or the glint in your eye when you’re about to explode, or whether I like Heinz or Hunt’s ketchup?  
-Sassy
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Back in touch

Tuesday, November 20, 2012
From: Sassy Girl
Subject: Re: What Makes You Beautiful
Date: November 20, 2012 8:32:21 AM EST
To: Phil   
May I say GOOD MORNING!  It’s a cold one.  34!  Wheee!  Hope today is better than it’s been.  
-S
8:55am Phil
You doing ok? Facebook is down due to crazy people. May stay down awhile. Email me or text.
[He switched to the Comcast email, then went back to gmail on and off]
From: Phil
Subject: Re: this and that
Date: November 20, 2012 7:09:54 PM EST
To: Sassy Girl
You mad at me? Ignoring me? You ok Sass? Worried about you.
From: Sassy Girl
Subject: Re: this and that
Date: November 20, 2012 8:08:34 PM EST
To:  Phil   
Hiya, kid,
Smooch!  Thanks for opening a new channel!  What’s up with your FB? The mess at work or something else?  It really scared me when I saw “deactivated” but I should know better.  Just as you should know I am never mad at you!  Well, hardly ever.  And then you say something so sweet and I forget about it.  
I am not ignoring you.  I wrote you twice last night to your gmail.  Did you see those?  So sorry I couldn’t write earlier!  Work has been a terror.  Boss being a total asshole.  Don’t dare open my personal email there for now.  The first time I could leave my desk was at 3:15 pm to pee!  The stress is crushing my soul.  
Are things getting better on your end?  I am praying for you. Thank you for worrying about me.  It makes a big difference.  I wish I didn’t have to worry you… I want to be your sunshine.  But sometimes it is raining so hard I need someone to help me bail!  I do appreciate all you do to make me smile.  I am hanging on by my fingernails.  Trying to control the things I can and not worry about the rest.   When I think I can’t stand it one more second, I close my eyes and remember… you.  And it gets me through! 
So looking forward to a break!  I get out at 12:30 pm tomorrow and don’t have to go back until Monday!  My co-workers are headed out in all directions tonight – Atlanta, Ohio, CT, NJ, Iowa, even someplace called Naperville IL.  Wish I was in his suitcase.  🙂  
What’re you doing Thursday?  Cooking at your place?  Watching some football?  🙂  
I am off to Sis’s midday Thursday as usual.  There will be 15 of us… she invited project orphans and her in-laws are here.  So I will be washing lots of pots and pans.  Feeling very lucky that I don’t have to host or cook or drive across the Pike in the killer traffic anymore!  
I do wish you had time to make me forget all this as only you can.  Mmmmm… looking forward to that time.  We need to make Google talk work.   Download it to your phone!  Or figure it out on your gmail?  I need real time tantalizing!  
Here’s to better days!  Hugs with groping.  And a long sensual kiss… just because.
-S
From:  Phil   
Subject: Re: this and that
Date: November 20, 2012 9:37:13 PM EST
To:     Sassy Girl
I was worried.  Work mess and Wife Mess are why my Facebook is down. I’ll post what I want to whom I want. She does not approve my friends.  Work is getting better because people started telling the truth.   Now I’m not such a ruthless bastard. Was a tough couple of weeks. Boss told me today, I did it all right, documented everything and he fully supported my decision and the way I handled the entire thing.
You have so much to offer. Quite eying these douce bags. Your husband is blind and needs to look in a mirror. When I retire I can act any way I want, be who I want. Looking forward to that. As the great Bob Marley said, “don’t worry about a thing, cause every little thing gonna be alright”. Love ya girl.
From:  Phil   
Subject: Re: The balcony
Date: November 20, 2012 9:47:49 PM EST
To: Sassy Girl
Would love to bend and fuck
From:  Phil   
Subject: Re: this and that
Date: November 20, 2012 9:56:05 PM EST
To: Sassy Girl
Cooking two turkeys, a ham, green bean casserole, stuffing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes and other stuff. Heading off to Wisconsin to see a show. A friend of my daughter’s is in it. We will visit with her afterward..

I’ll try to figure out google talk. Always fun to get off together. Got a drink, fresh baked rolls and a hard cock thinking about fucking someone bent over their balcony and then later having them swallow my cock. Mmmmm

From: Phil   
Subject: Re: this and that
Date: November 20, 2012 10:16:04 PM EST
To:  Sassy Girl
Fuck me girl
From: Sassy Girl
Subject: Re: this and that
Date: November 20, 2012 10:29:50 PM EST
To: Phil   
Oooh… yum.  I wish I was going to eat at your table, and I do mean the food in this case!  Are you having pie?  I want pie!!!
My sister is making all this fancy stuff.  It will taste good but it isn’t right for Thanksgiving!  Whine whine… she keeps calling up and saying “I got a turkey breast and I’m going to wrap it in pancetta with…” and I’m like “noooo!” And I want stuffing and she is making some weird mushroom leek bread pudding.  I know… it’s free… I’m lucky but…
Oooh! Theater!  Yay!  Good for you!  
My, my… you are frisky.  I adore that.  
-S
From: Sassy Girl
Subject: Re: this and that
Date: November 20, 2012 10:46:08 PM EST
To:  Phil   
Oh!  I am so glad to hear the tide has turned for you!  That is cause for celebration!  Woot!  I am doing the happy dance for you!  
Maybe it means my luck can change too?  Please please please….
Awwww… you are so sweet.  Thank you for the pep talk. Bob Marley was a wise man – I will hope he was right.
You’re making me swoon.  I just… how can you say just a few words and I feel so much better?!  I do!
Are you gearing up to change jobs?  Will life get easier after that?  Sad to say, but in a way all this mess may make it easier to go?
-S
From: Sassy Girl
Subject: Re: this and that
Date: November 20, 2012 10:52:51 PM EST
To:  Phil   
Yes… you are so hot… you make me twinge inside!
What would you like my dear man?  You want a hot mouth on that gorgeous cock, don’t you?  With my finger inside you, squeezing those sexy balls, right?
😉
From:  Phil   
Subject: Re: this and that
Date: November 20, 2012 11:18:44 PM EST
To: Sassy Girl
Yes, pumpkin pie. Very traditional meal.  Smoked turkey and a roasted turkey. I’m ready to go. Loved the job but tired. The latest mess was too much. Was the last straw in a tough job. Your hot mouth, fingers, oh yeah. Need a hot suck and fuck with tongues and fingers in all the appropriate places
From:  Phil   
Subject: Re: this and that
Date: November 20, 2012 11:20:48 PM EST
To: Sassy Girl
Would love to pump a big hot load deep inside you and them spray your tits and face
From: Sassy Girl
Subject: Re: this and that
Date: November 20, 2012 11:36:21 PM EST
To:  Phil   
What can I say to that but… YES PLEASE!
You do have the best ideas!  Oh, how I want to see that… feel it… rev you up until you explode!  Let you see the smile on my messy face!  and Let me see the smile on yours!  
-S
From:  Phil   
Subject: Re: this and that
Date: November 20, 2012 11:38:40 PM EST
To:     Sassy Girl

Oh hell yeah baby. Seeing your sweet face dripping my cum. Damn!

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Youngsters

From: Mr Truck 
To: Sassy
Monday, Nov 19, 2012
Subject: Youngsters
Hey sexy girl!
I’m going to be free to chat on phone if you want today, tonight and some of tomorrow. Let me know.
Here’s a nice REAL making love scene for you. I love when she sucks his nipples while jacking his cock into her tit:
http://xhamster.com/movies/1048091/sexy_gf_endjy_nasty_bedroom_banging.html
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From: Sassy 
To: Mr Truck
Sent: Monday, November 19, 2012 12:45 PM
Subject: Re: Youngsters
Hiya Handsome!
Is your week off to a good start?  I am swamped at work but stealing a few minutes to write to you because you make me smile!
Thanks for the vid… I’ll drool over it when I get home.  I do so appreciate the gems you find!  
I am home all evening… should be free by 7 pm.  So you can call whenever it suits you tonight?  
Here’s my Google Voice number [redated].  It looks like a number from California, if it shows up on your phone bill and anyone cares. 
Oooh!  I can’t wait to hear your voice.  What should we talk about?  🙂  
-S
=======
From: Mr Truck
To: Sassy
Sent: Monday, November 19, 2012 2:35 pm
Re: Youngsters
Hey gorgeous! Yeah doing ok on this chilly Monday. Thanks for taking time out of your crazy schedule to write.
How do you manage to escape the earshot of hubby on your nighttime chats?
Can’t wait to hear your voice too. We can talk about anything, maybe even……..SEX! We can start out by talking about some of the things that have turned us on lately in porno or anywhere. I won’t be necessarily be expecting to orgasm, but hearing your voice will no doubt give me a delicious hard on 😉
Stan
========
From: Mr Truck
To: Sassy 
Sent: Monday, November 19, 2012 7:09 PM
Subject: Re: Youngsters
Hey darlin’  tonight is turning out to look not as free as I previously thought. Hope this doesn’t inconvenience you at all. Are you free for a quick hello tomorrow morning?
======
From: Sassy
To: Mr Truck
Re: Youngsters
Nov 19, 2012
Hey there!  I was just watching the video… thinking of you.  🙂  Comments to come… cum? Heh. 
Sorry to hear tonight won’t work but I know stuff happens.  What time tomorrow?  I am usually awake and home between about 7 and 8:30 am, all be it dashing around getting ready.  but I could make a few minutes to hear your voice… but don’t stress if that’s a bad time.   Our moments will happen… when they happen.  I don’t want you taking any risks.  
Mwah!

-S
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The balcony

Monday, November 19, 2012
[NOTE: Phil’s facebook was “deactivated” about 9 pm last night.  We had three days of odd emails trying to figure out what was up and how to communicate without it.  Late tonight, he pulled up old gmail emails and replied to them.  I was so relieved to hear from him!]

From:  Phil   
Subject: Re: What Makes You Beautiful
Date: November 19, 2012 11:24:09 PM EST
To:     Sassy Girl
You doing ok Sass? Worry about you
From:  Phil   
Subject: Re: The balcony
Date: November 19, 2012 11:34:38 PM EST
To:     Sassy Girl
Damn! This is hot. Like to bend you over that railing. 🙂

From: Sassy Girl
Subject: Re: What Makes You Beautiful
Date: November 20, 2012 12:00:23 AM EST
To:  Phil   
I’m hanging in.   You okay?
From: Sassy Girl
Subject: Re: The balcony
Date: November 20, 2012 12:21:39 AM EST
To:  Phil

Oh yes… one of my favorites.  Would like to be bent.  And banged.  🙂

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Thanksgiving Tips

To: Scot
Sat, Nov 17, 2012 at 12:31 AM
From: Sassy 
Hiya Scot, 
Wow… I bet you are something when you get in the zone in lecture.  Do you have class next week or will you be all mentally constipated from not lecturing?  We have to work until 12:30 pm Wednesday, then have the rest of the week off!  I am looking forward to a quiet weekend… hope you have a good one!  
-S
=============
From: Scot
To: Sassy
Saturday, November 17, 2012 2:44 AM
Hey, S.,
I have to work until Tuesday at 5:00 pm.  Then the REAL ordeal begins, when my sister and her husband and two kids; my OTHER sister and her INSUFFERABLE husband; and my brother and his fiancee come to stay at my house.  My parents, bless their hearts, actually sprung for a hotel, but otherwise I’m hosting my whole dysfunctional family.  Fun, fun, fun.  It’s moments like this that make me want to open a vein.
Can I give you a call on Monday?  I have a window from 4:00 to 4:30.
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From: Sassy
Sun, Nov 18, 2012 at 12:29 AM
To: Scot
Hiya Scot, 
I hope you had a relaxing Saturday.  I sat at the computer catching up with old friends.  Something about Thanksgiving makes me want to know how they’re doing and let them know I am grateful we keep in touch.  I feel as if I’ve traveled to so many places!  I heard from folks from Australia to Wales and many states in between.  
Wow!  That was quite a stream of disdain! Ah, family.  I hope this year will be better because you have a sassy woman to think about.  🙂   Look into using Google Voice so you can call me from your cell without it appearing on your phone bills?  Then you can escape to the porch or go for a post-prandial constitutional and vent to me.  
I used to despise family gatherings, as my older sister and father considered them the perfect occasion for a debate on the philosophical implications of… whatever.  And it would devolve into shouting that sent the rest of the family scurrying away with indigestion and mental anguish.  To fix that, I made us go out to such fine buffets as the Boston Harbor Hotel or Turner Fisheries. Amazing what doesn’t happen when you’re out in public!  And no days of work for my mother, no clean up but alas.. no leftovers.  And I made us go to the movies – no talking there and then a debrief that was amicable for the most part.  It broke the pattern and brought peace.   That is the role of the middle child… peacemaker! 
Now my little sister with the big house hosts (she has the Martha Stewart gene) and invites orphans.  The presence of “strangers” as my mother calls them, makes everyone behave!  And I taught my husband, who gets horribly offended easily, to think, “It’s interesting that they think that,” instead of jumping on people for their wacky ideas.  There was a glitch two years ago when everyone WOULD NOT SHUT UP about cancer two weeks after I was diagnosed and before I knew what the treatment plan would entail and I was very frightened and did not want to think about it.  I ate in the kitchen with my tiny niece who sang Alice’s Restaurant with me!  So now I consider holidays a mild inconvenience.  A free meal.  A day off work.  I am very lucky not to have to travel or cook or host… just clean up until my hands turn into prunes and my back aches.  
Please don’t open a vein before I meet you!  Wait… that didn’t come out right.  I don’t recommend blood-letting at any point.  Perhaps just some leeches? I know… I should not joke.  But I want to make it easier.  I can’t seem to improve my own life this week, but maybe I can add a few smiles to yours?  
Thank you very much for making time to call, but with things so crappy at the office, I don’t dare disappear to talk.  Believe me, I would much rather be talking to you!  Is there any time around the lunch hour?  I know this week is odd, so if not I understand.  I suppose leaving our talks for a rare treat will keep me from taking them for granted.  Hmmm… as with sex, I’d like to get them all the time and see how long it would take to have that happen!  
If all else fails, this time next week it will all be over! 
Hugs with groping!
 -S

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From: Scot
Nov 18, 2012
To: Sassy
Hey S,
That was a GREAT email.  Thank you.
I’m really sorry things are so unpleasant at work.  Some of my colleagues are jerks, but basically I love my job and wouldn’t trade it for anything.  Still, there are times when I want to quit in frustration and storm out.
Actually, that strategy of inviting strangers to act as a pacifying influence sounds very effective.  Maybe I’ll try it.  I have some Ph.D. students who are too broke to go home for the holidays; perhaps I’ll invite them over on Thanksgiving or subsequent days.  Their presence probably would prevent my sister’s husband from being the all-out ass he normally is.  And they’d get some free food out of it, which, Lord knows, they need.  Good idea.
Lunchtime on Monday is, I regret to report, booked solid.  Lunch is a luxury where I teach.  I guess we’ll have to communicate via email until the holidays are over.  Bet I have to wash more dishes than you!
–Scot

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Facebook mystery

Sunday, November 18, 2012
12:56pm
Happy Football!  Here’s to good food, cold drinks and first downs!
1:11 pm TEXT  Phil: LOL (came to email via a different phone)
8:38pm Phil
My team wins! Whoooooo

[NOTE: His facebook was “deactivated” about 9 pm.  When I went to reply, the account was gone.  I was panicking.  Had it been hacked?  Or did he get ticked off over something?  Or did it have to do with the work mess?  Or his wife? Argh!]