How did this happen?

It was a dark and stormy night.. no, really, it was!  I was talking to a very smart and kind woman in a chat room for cheaters on a rainy Sunday night, feeling very low.  I was whining about how it had been a year since I’d seen Philip, with no plan to meet again.  And he forgot my birthday.  And so did Hubby.  No card.  No present.  Not a word.  Not even a Facebook message!  If you ever want to make a woman feel unimportant and uncared for?  Forget her birthday.

It was time to try something different.  Find someone local to make me smile, to touch me and let me touch him!  But how?

Ashley Madison

My chat pal suggested I sign up for the “married but looking” website Ashley Madison, an online dating site for married people.  That’s right… a web site where married people can hook up!  It’s free for women.  She advised me to throw together a profile – don’t think too hard about it – men don’t care what you write as long as you have a vagina!  I told her no man would write to me, with my height and weight stats sitting there.  She bet me someone would.  I told her I couldn’t imagine meeting strangers, seeing the disappointed look in their eyes when I walked in all curvy.  She said I didn’t have to meet – just chat online and enjoy the attention.  But not to rule out a meet if a guy seemed nice.  Just be careful – public place, tell someone where I went etc.

I had read a lot about Ashley Madison (“AM”).  Many bloggers talk about their adventures, and chatters are always asking for advice on their profiles, or what does it mean if someone says this or that, or why doesn’t she write back etc.  Women talked of being overwhelmed with contacts – like 800 in the first 24 hours!  Some met wonderful partners who brighten their days and give them something they aren’t getting at home.  It’s not to find a new spouse, just for fun and sex.  I had done the big emo relationship – I wanted to try having fun and sex!

AM Terms

I knew the AM terminology from reading other blogs:

• Wink – a free way to say “Hey!  I like your profile!  Look at my profile! Write to me!” 
• Message – an email, costs the man credits (money)
• Chat – online talk in real time, costs the man big money
• View – when you click on a profile, it records your visit and tells the guy you looked at him and I could see who was looking at me, wink or message them if they look interesting
• Favorite – Men can mark a profile to add it to their list of favorites. AM will tell the lady they did it, maybe get her to look at their profile, and they tell him when she logs on.

It irked me that men had to pay, but everyone said it produced a better quality of men and made them think more carefully about who and how to approach women.  I resolved to set up a new email account and get them over there to email or chat for free as soon as I determined they were okay.

I knew how to stay anonymous.  I’d been blogging and chatting for nine months, gotten lots of safety tips about how to keep secrets online and how to meet.

AM Men 

I’d read about the different kinds of men out there and how to spot them:

• Guilt kings – think they can cheat but guilt overwhelms them and they don’t carry through
• Email kings – just want to email, never intend to meet
• Chat kings – looking for cyber sex only
• Collectors – want photos, no intension of meeting
• One and done – favor one-night stands
• Doms – want to control you, call them master or sir 
• Subs – want you to control them
• Kinks – long list of interesting things that turn them on
• Cowards – talk and talk and then stand you up, don’t have to balls to carry through

Several chatters had recommended trying online dating, even come up with a catchy name for me to use, but I had always put them off.  But on this night, it felt worth a try.  It was not where I wanted to be, but maybe it would lead to a better place.

AM Profile Tips 

I remembered the many tips I’d read in various blogs:

• Be confident!  Confidence is sexy!
• Be positive!  
• Don’t say too much – less for them to object to!  
• Do not whine about your spouse
• Tell them about you!  Tell them what you want!  
• Make them laugh!  

Wading in 

I went to the site and signed up.  I spent about 15 minutes puzzling over writing a profile then sent it to several chatters to make sure I didn’t say anything stupid or dangerous.  I decided not to put up any photos.  They said it was great!  So I raised a flag to the world of married men – Me!  Right here!  SEX!

It was an interesting exercise – terrifying and exciting.  Maybe this would be the answer?!  Will I sink or swim?