6:20 am

Good morning! 47 some clouds, pretty rays of sun poking thru. Please let today be better. Hope you have a good day!

7:08 am Phil

Good morning, hope it’s better too. Barely ate yesterday. Did not sleep last night. Lot of stuff bouncing around in my head and heart. No one to talk to about it. All stays bottled up inside and it’s consuming me. You apparently have some of the stuff going on, different but similar.

7:48 am Phil

Gotta buck up and stop. You doing ok kiddo? I know you had a rough day yesterday. What’s up with work? What’s up with the body thing? Your husband, I understand that part.

8:08 am

Hey, there. First – you can always talk to me. I am here for you. Let it out. Really. I want to hear it. I want to help.

Second – thank you for asking… work sucked because I have an evil assistant who has been going to my boss lying about me. And he believed her. and he wants to implement a task tracking software and interfere with hiring… all of which make it not a place I want to be anymore. But I will suck it up and go back in there.

8:10 am Phil

I don’t think I can talk about this. Just need to deal with it. Sorry to hear about work. It sucks when you don’t want to be some place.

I am rapidly approaching the 30lb down mark. Working out harder, eating smarter although sometimes not at all. That’s not smarter but sometimes just not interested.

8:17 am

I am so proud of your weight loss! That must feel so good!

You not wanting to talk makes me wonder if the problem is me… if it is, be honest. If not, some broad “about work” or about whatever would help calm my mind.

8:22 am  Phil

It does. Feel so much better, look better too. Have to eat better though. Can’t just skip. Have to get this elephant off my shoulders too. It is slowly eating me up.

It’s not you Sass. Why would it be you? Sometimes things just happen and you react badly and they change your life forever. It’s devastating and you deal with it and move along. It’s one of those type things and I am having a horrible time shaking it off. I just get worse.

8:29 am

Thank you for saying. It might be me because I’ve asked you to change your life and include me. I desperately miss you… and I am in limbo waiting to see if you will help me get away from all this. But it’s not fair to lay it on you. But if I knew I was leaving here, it would make it easier. But I know you can’t know that yet. NO pressure, just explaining where my head is. I hope I help a little. We’ll get through this… hugs.

If I visited a friend in Chicago, could you see me?

8:59 am Phil

That would be very hard and at this point I am of no use to anyone. I’m getting better. I am going to get my little place near the beach, buy my car, turn the shed or garage into a man cave with bar and dart boards, put in a couple kegs, a kicking music system. I am going to grow a garden, my yard will be a work of art, house immaculate, dark leather and wood, couple dogs running around. My dreams are simple. I’m not even sure I want to be with anyone. I broke a heart and had mine broken and I’m not sure I ever want to go back there. I have no clue what I am doing Sass or where I am going. There’s a light out there somewhere. I can stay and be very comfortable. I have paid down a mountain of debt and will free in the near future of that prison. Hard, hard, hard

1:34 am

Dear dear man… I know this is very hard, as I am struggling with many of the same issues. I’ll be your friend no matter you decide.

2:40 pm

But please think about letting me be more to you. All I want is to make you happy. Think of the amazing chemistry we have, the comfort, the partnership… I know you’ve never had it and can’t imagine what it would be like, but think of our time together as a model – us having fun, me taking care of myself while you do your own thing, sharing the costs, staying out of your way except when you want me?

2:41 pm

You deserve to be happy and have someone who will let you live your life, be there to rub your back, hug you when things are bad and laugh with you when things are great. Believe that I will be different… not a burden but a joy in your life! I believe that you can make me happy… you already do in so many ways!

Philip, please let me care for you, feed your pets when you’re away, help you with parties, plan great trips you want, love you and your family and friends. I am someone who knows how to make people happy around her! Please give us a chance! I can see it so clearly! You are smiling and relaxed and thank God every day that I am there.

2:44 pm

I promise to be nice to you. Every day. I will not to collect anything, or decorate, or argue about money, or complain about your family. I will be me. And let you be you. I will learn what makes you happy and try my best to do it.

You remind me of the guy who prays for rescue in the flood, and turns down the boat and the helicopter and the bridge. God finally says, “I sent you help! Why didn’t you take it?” I believe God led you to me. Am I nuts? Sorry to go on, but this is very important to me. If you have concerns, ask questions! This can be fun! And get us both to a much better life.

3:13 pm

In other news, you look very handsome in the latest photos! I can definitely see your new skinny face! I adore your smile…