Monday, January 9
8:33am Phil
Had a relaxing weekend. Great football games yesterday. I have a busy week. Bigwig coming to visit. Always a stress filled event. Monday I am off on my trip. My back is sore this morning. Think it’s the way I slept. Had dogs all over me and never did get comfortable. Really stiff, hoping it works out as I move around. Looking forward to a chance to get away for a few days. I need a break from the princess. I get testy at times because I do everything. Did all the cooking yesterday, made stuffed jalapenos, carolina barbecue that came out nice, and fresh guacamole. I felt some one else could do the dishes. Not one word about the food, just bitching cause I did not also do the dishes. I have emptied and moved 30 or more boxes, cleared three rooms, all by myself. Drives me crazy. Every time I see the queen on her perch on the couch, I want to strangle her. No job, does not cook, does not clean, contributes nothing but bad attitude. Sorry, just pissy today, ready to go away for a few days. Only alone time I ever get and I cherish it when I get it. Hope you are having a good day. Sorry to burden you with my crap. Everyone has their share.
11:52am
Good morning! First off, a big hug. Ok, maybe a kiss, too. With some tongue.
Don’t ever hesitate to share burdens! I’m happy to help you carry them. What else can I do? Tell me. [At least you weren’t trying to drive w/ tears streaming down your face because your spouse refused to attend and then threatened to kill himself while you were racing out the door to a family event, so the entire family had to know my problems. *sigh Don’t know why it got to me yesterday. Maybe because he was better recently and this ended my hope… ah, well.] I read over old messages from you and that brightened my evening!
Finally – Focus on warmth, good food and time on your own coming soon! And fantasize about a wench who’ll wash dishes with you and then make good use of the kitchen cabinet to make you cum buckets inside her. Have a great Monday!
2:14pm Phil
Clearly, we all have our burdens to bear. Good to hear of others issues and be reminded that my little issues are exactly that. I just have real issues with lazy people. When you can’t say you accomplished anything other than get out of bed, do laundry and feed the dogs, I just do a slow burn. I have a hard time sitting still for an hour let alone wasting weeks and weeks. Ah well. Hope your day is going well.
3:58pm
Hey, there. How about a new project?!
So…spouses…our lives – what are we going to do? Can we do anything?
I’m going to stick my neck out and share the questions I am asking myself. Will you listen? Give me advice?
Do I want the same crap for the rest of my life? Does it feel comfortable and I know how to deal with it, so that makes it okay? Is there enough good here to stay married? If I stay, are there ways to make it better?
Would different [either on my own or with someone else] be better? Is there anyone who would share my life? What facts should I gather to help me decide? Can I break the marital promises? Do I deserve better? What would all this cost?
I feel like if I can decide on a direction, it would be easy to get there, with a few bumps in the transition. And if I knew better days were coming, I could stand this easier.
I know you can’t make any moves now, but when you think about leaving, where are you going? Who is going with you? Maybe making plans can occupy your mind and help you focus on better days ahead? Or is that all just too much to think about now?
I’d be glad to run thru possibilities with you, whether they include me or not. Because I want you to be happier. And maybe as you plan it can give me strength to plan… I don’t know the answers but it sure seems like there has to be a better way. A bit of fact-finding might give us both choices, whether we make them or not.
I am trying to think of various scenarios to see how they make me feel. Do any of these sound good for me or/and you?
A. Stay the same.
Devil I know etc. Try to make changes. What changes? No sex. Very little help with chores. Emotional turmoil.
B. Stay here, separate.
Alone seems scary. Still no sex. No help. Less turmoil.
C. Move near Philip.
New job. Give him space. See him sometimes. Would he want this? That feels better, but moving.. new job.. alone sometimes. Some sex, some help around the house maybe. Travel together? hmmm. Away from my family, friends. Like his friends? Old age?
D. Move. Live with Philip.
Would you? New job. Lots of sex. Partner for house chores, travel, costs. Seems great, but I don’t know whether you’d consider it, and how we’d do together. What about your children and family? My family would welcome you. Be there for old age.
E. Philip moves to live with me or near me.
Would you? Condo? New place?
Close to my family, closer to yours, but you hate the cold. I don’t move, stable job, project continues etc. Could you work up here? Lots of sex, partner around the house, old age together.
Are any of these feasible? Can you “try these on” and tell me what you want, feel so I can plan? Are there other options I am not considering? Other questions you want answered? Facts that would help? For you? For me? Help!
We don’t have to decide today, or tomorrow but I don’t want us to look back and wonder why we didn’t talk, try…
Yikes, that is a lot. Sorry to drop all this on you… but… maybe… just maybe, there is more joy out there for both of us if we can be brave and honest and.. I love you.
Geez… I need a hug. and a kiss… and maybe more!