-S
==================

At the House

July 1977 

Why does the doorbell always ring when I am washing dishes?  I had my hands deep in the soapy water one warm July afternoon right after I graduated from high school.  I grabbed a dishrag to dry my hands and ran to the other end of the house.   I flung open the inner door, and stood staring in amazement. 

Leaning against the doorjamb was Philip, my first boyfriend from four years ago.  He smiled sweetly and tapped on the screen door. I opened it and stepped back, waving him into the house.  He brushed past me into the living room, sighing at the cool air in the old house. 

“Howya doin, Sass?” he asked.  (Almost everyone called me Sassy.  He was the only person in the world who called me Sass.  So it made my insides tingle.)  I stood there dumbfounded.  

I could not believe it was him.  If I could wish for anyone to show up, he would be the one!  Even though he dumped me after we dated for three weeks and broke my heart in a million pieces, I still adored him.  Seeing him was always a double-edged sword.  On the one hand, it was great to be near him. He made me feel so alive!  I wanted to fall into his arms.  But on the other hand, he’d made it clear he didn’t want that, so I had to hide all that and be his pal.  It hurt to be near him and not touch him.  Arrgh!  I always hoped he’d change his mind, tell me he’d been a jerk and he wanted me back.  But everyone knows that never happens, right?  We stayed friends, until he disappeared to the military 18 months ago.  

He looked so gorgeous!  Even in well-worn denim shorts and an old Yankees t-shirt, he made me weak at the knees.  The military made him keep his hair too short, but he was still stunningly handsome.  He had grown a mustache!  I stared into his brown eyes, then took in his gorgeous shoulders and muscled chest.  I know he’s good looking, but it still hits me every time.  No other guy ever made me melt the way he did.  

“You alone?” He asked, looking around. He stared me up and down, taking in my very short shorts and tight top, and smiled.  

“Yup.  They went shopping,” I replied.  And then wondered if that had been wise.

He whipped around and asked,  “How about a hug for an old friend?” but he didn’t wait for answer.  He hugged me tightly, lifting me off the ground just a little.  I expected him to drop me with a bounce and back off, say something funny about how I’d grown.  He set me down very gently.  And he didn’t let go.  He kept holding me, breathing on my neck.  When I tried to lean back, he put his hands on my head and pressed me to his chest.   I closed my eyes, wrapped my arms around his waist and waited, glorying in being close to him.  My brain brought up the words it always did when we were close, “wow…we fit.” 

He ran his hand down my long pony tail and cupped my ass, pressing me closer to him at the waist.  I shivered when I realized he was rock-hard, pressed against the top of my leg.  I felt this heat start to build inside me.  I waited… wondering if he was teasing me, or if something had changed.

He finally raised his head and stared into my eyes.  I raised an eyebrow, and he said, “Hi.”  If I didn’t know better, I would’ve sworn he was nervous.  But he was never nervous around me.   

“Hi,” I responded, smiling.  He stroked my face with one finger, and came even closer.

“Kiss me,” he whispered.  My eyes got very wide.  I closed them and pressed my lips against his.  He sighed and threaded his fingers into my hair, pulling it loose from the tie.  He pushed his tongue into my mouth. Oh!  It felt so amazing!  I sucked on it.  He moaned.  I pushed my tongue into his mouth.  He moaned ever lower.  He put his hands inside the back of my shorts and squeezed my ass, kneading my buns like fresh dough.  We carried on like that for quite awhile, dueling tongues, bodies angled together.  I never wanted it to end.  

He finally let me get a breath.  “Oh, girl… you are the best kisser…mmmm,” he murmured.  

He held me close, staring at me, gauging my reaction.  I learned long ago that I could not look interested.  Whenever I reached for him, he disappeared.  So even though ever fiber of my being was screaming for more, I shrugged my shoulders.  

“When will they be back?”  he asked.  I wondered whether I should tell him or not, without knowing what was up.  But I had never been able to keep anything from him.  He read me like book.  And I felt safe with him.

“After dinner,” I answered.  He pressed his forehead against mine.  He took my hand and pressed it between his legs.  “Touch me,” he whispered.  “Feel what you do to me.”  I squeezed him and pressed, and his eyes rolled back in his head.  I had never touched him when we were dating, thinking nice girls didn’t do that.  But I had learned a lot since then.  I could show him how I feel about him, even if I couldn’t tell him.  It was a great way to make him happy.  I unzipped his fly, and circled him with my fingers.   His knees began to buckle, so I stopped. 

“Don’t stop… so good… dreamed of this,” he panted.  He kissed me again and again.  I kept working on him with my hand, trying different things to see what reactions they caused.  I had no idea what to do and was very worried about hurting him, but each time I tried a slightly different angle, he moaned, so I kept going.  I was thinking about using my mouth on him when he spoke.  

“Are you still a virgin?” he asked, jumping ahead about six steps.  I leaned back to see the look on his face.  Was he teasing me?  I’m sure I looked a little shocked.  But he was completely serious and silent, awaiting an answer.  Being a virgin and staying that way had been a big deal to me when we were dating.   I did not want to answer, especially not before I knew what he wanted.  I turned away so I could think.  He stood just behind me.

“Why?” I asked. 

“Because I want to be the first one,” he whispered in my ear. That surprised me.  When we broke up, I thought it was because I wasn’t very good at the physical side of things.

“Why?”  I asked, feeling like an inquisitive three year-old. 

  

“Because I love you,” he said.   He put his hands on my shoulders and turned me around into his arms again.  My mouth was definitely hanging open at this point.  It was the one thing in the world that I had always wanted to hear from him, and the last thing I ever thought I would hear him say.

“I could never find a way to tell you – you were dating someone, and then I went away, but all I could think about was getting home and taking you in my arms…” he stopped.  “Say something,” he begged.  

“I’ve always loved you,” I admitted for the first time.   It felt amazing to say it out loud at last!  But I was still afraid of his reaction.  He smiled the most brilliant smile I’ve ever seen.  He kissed me again, long… deep.  Oh, my.  This afternoon was certainly turning out to be very special.  

“I thought so.  Why didn’t you tell me?” he said when he finally came up for air.   I looked at him indulgently. 

“Maybe because you dumped me?  and told me you were in love with someone else?” I snarked. 

“I was a jerk.  I am so sorry.  Please forgive me?” he said the magic words.  He hugged me.  I could not believe it.  I wondered if I was dreaming.  Wouldn’t have been the first time….

“What do you want, Philip?” I asked. 

“I want to love you.  To make love to you, to show you how I feel, to make you feel good,” he said.  “You are the only one who makes me ache to be inside you.” My insides spun.

“You know I’m going steady, right?” I said. And I thought he was engaged.  

“I know.  So am I.  But none of that matters right now.  She’s right for me in a lot of ways, but not this way.  All I can think about at night is you,” he sighed.  “I can keep a secret, if you’re worried about your guy,” he volunteered.  The revelation that he had been thinking about me, that way, was so glorious, I almost missed the downside of it all.  He was not making any promises or “coming back to me.”  Was that something I wanted?  I started to ponder whether it would be worth it, or wreck everything, to grab this chance.  And what it said about me that I would even consider cheating on my boyfriend like this.  

“When are you leaving town?” I asked.

“Tomorrow morning.  24 hour pass.  Drove straight here, “ he told me.

“So… what’s all this mean?” I asked, probably pushing my luck.  

“Damned if I know,” he said.  He kissed me again, and started to lift my t-shirt.  I stayed his hand, trying for a few more moments to figure this out.  

“Let me touch you…please,” he whispered in my ear.  “You have such perfect tits…” he said in an almost-worshipful way.  I had wanted this for so long… it felt so right, like a big piece of the puzzle of my life falling into place.  He had said what I wanted to hear, and I couldn’t hold back any longer.  I pressed his hand under my shirt, placing it on my breast over my bra.  He sighed, sensing that I’d made up my mind, and kissed his way down my neck, to the line of the cup.  He exposed my nipple and put his mouth there.  He tugged with his teeth.  It felt like a direct line to my core.  I thought my knees were going to buckle.  He steadied me, whispering, “Can you show me your bed?”

I took his hand and led him up the front stairs.  He stopped me at the landing, pressing me against the wallpaper for another kiss.  He put his hand inside my shorts, dipping inside me briefly. 

“You are so wet,” he marveled.

“All your fault,” I said.  He growled under his breath. 

“You never answered my question,” he stated.

“Which one?” I stalled.

“Am I going to be the first?” he repeated.

“No… I wish you were,” I finally answered, worried that he would be disappointed or even angry.

“I figured.  Me neither.  I did it in February,” he admitted.  I was a little weirded out, because that’s when I had done it too. 

“Yes.  Me, too.  February, but it wasn’t… spectacular,” I admitted.  He raised an eyebrow, getting the oddness of the timing, even though he was two years older.

“Yeah.  Same here.  Not like what I feel right now, just standing here.  We will make it fabulous…I swear,” he said.

“I know.  You are always magic,” I admitted.

“I have condoms… I can protect you, and I’m clean,” he assured me, ever the gentleman.  

“Well, I’ve been on the pill since April, so no worries on that front,” I assured him.   Then worried that I had just told him I have sex all the time now. 

“Wow…things really have changed since I left,” he said, chuckling. 

I kissed him, tired of all these details, wanting to quit wasting the little time we had.

I dragged him up the stairs to my bed and sat down on the edge, staring at my bare toes, suddenly very shy. Philip sat down beside me and took my hand. 

“Nervous?’ he asked, picking up on my mood as usual.  I turned to stare into his eyes.  

“A little, “ I replied.  He stroked my arm.  

“You know I’d never force you to do anything, right?” he asked.

“I know.  It’s not that.  It’s just… I don’t think I’m very good at all this,” I confessed. 

“I don’t believe that for a second,” he said.  He leaned over to kiss me gently…. Once, twice, three times, light pecks on the lips.  Then he wrapped his arms around me and pulled us down onto the bed, deepening the kiss.  He was beside me, with his leg between mine.  I could feel him hard against my hip. 

“I want three things,” he explained, trying to reassure me.  “I want to taste you, I want you to touch me, and I want to be inside you,” he said.  

“Wow…” I said, my brain already losing the ability the strings words together. 

“Can you tell me what you want?” he asked.  I was stunned.  I had cuddled with a lot boys, and gone all the way with one, but no one had ever asked me what I’d like to do.  I just followed along.  Often unwillingly, enduring whatever the boy tried.  I thought I wasn’t supposed to think about it or talk much about it, that it would make me sound like a whore. 

“You okay?” he asked. 

“Yes.. I just… I’m not used to being asked,” I said.  “I want to make you happy,” I answered, thinking that’s what boys liked.  

“I want to make you feel good, too,” he said.  Now that was different.  “I want to help you cum,” he said.  I wasn’t sure what that meant, but was too afraid to say.  But he picked up on that right away.  

“You don’t know what that is, do you?” he asked.  I shook my head.  “What kind of selfish jerks have you been with?” he growled.  I balked at him calling the sweet boys jerks.

“Maybe they didn’t know…” I offered in their defense.  He scoffed.

“Okay. Here’s the short version – we touch each other.  We tell each other what feels good, so we can hone in on what’s best.  And make our bodies react in a way that sets off a chain of events.  For me, you know what happens, right?”

I nodded, lost in the image on him pounding into me and collapsing as he came.  He chuckled.  I swear the kid can read my mind!

“Good.  Well, something similar goes on inside you.  I’m no expert, but I hear you get very wet, and then the muscles start to twitch and then there this… high,” he said.  “Maybe you can tell me more about it in a few minutes, okay?” he said. 

I smiled at him.  It was boggling my mind how sweet he is.  “I haven’t felt that,” I admitted.  

“I’m sorry…but, you know what? I’m not sorry.  At least I will be the first for that,” he concluded.  

“You think you can make it happen?” I asked.  

“Yes, ma’am,” he chuckled.  “I’ve listened to a lot of guys and gals, and I’ve read a fair amount,” he added.  “And I also know that the emotional connection we have, which makes a big difference, is very special.  The mind has more to do with it than anything else,” he stated.  

He moved down my body, spreading fire wherever he touched.  He undid my shorts and rolled them off me, taking my underwear with them in one swift move.  Before I could fret about him looking at me, he leaned over and started licking me, flicking his tongue on my most sensitive spot.  My hips bucked at the contact and I squirmed.  He put his hands on my hips to steady me and dove in deeper, making a humming sound that send little vibrations into my core.  I started to go wild, running my fingers through his hair, trying to press him closer.  He raised his head a bit and I protested.

“Done that before?” he asked.  I shook my head, half in answer and half because he was driving me wild!  I’d never let anyone do that to me.  Another thing I thought nice girls didn’t do.  But it didn’t seem to matter anymore.  It was so… intimate.  

“Oh, I knew you would like that,” he said, chuckling.  “You are so hot.  You taste so good, just like I remember,” he sighed and went back to torturing me with his tongue.  He had tasted me on his fingers before.  I’d been a little grossed out by it at the time, but he seemed to like it a lot.

“I… it’s never been… you’re good,” I said.  He smiled against me, and started to move up my body, kissing my navel, then my tummy, taking my shirt and bra off as he went.  I was now completely naked.  He stared me up and down and I wanted to roll over, but he was half on top of me. 

“Don’t ever hide your gorgeous body,” he said, making his opinion clear.  “You are even more beautiful than my dream,” he said, sounding astonished. 

“You, sir, are way overdressed for this party,” I said as I began to take his shirt over his head.  I stared at his muscled chest, tanned from long hours in the sun.  It was the most amazing caramel color, the skin smooth and firm.  He rolled a little more on top of me, pressing his chest against mine and moaning a bit as our skin slid together. 

“Mmmmm… you drive me insane, you know,” he whispered very close to my ear.   I slid my hands onto his ass inside his shorts.  He shivered as I trailed a finger between his cheeks.  He rolled off me and shed them in one easy move.  

He rolled on top of me, spreading my legs with his knee.  He moved to the side a little, putting a finger inside me.  My hips bucked up and he smiled.  He pressed higher and I moaned.  He pulled out a bit and I whined.  He purred in my ear, “relax, concentrate on your center, feel my finger inside you, think about what else will be inside you soon,” in an almost-song-like rhythm in time with finger.  Just as I got used to this, he pulled out and pressed in again with two fingers.  I twisted in pleasure and moaned.  

“Good?’ he asked.  

“Oh yeah… so… so… amazing,” I panted.  He used his fingers to make me crazy.  I felt like I was on fire.  And that was a good thing. 

“This should help make it easier…You feel ready for me, are you?”  he asked.  I smiled.  I was very wary of taking this step, but it felt like the most natural thing in the world this time. “Tell me what you want,” he coached.

“I want you… inside me… way inside… all the way,” I intoned.  I had never said that to any boy…but somehow he made it okay.  

“When?” he teased me.

“NOW!” I shrieked.  “Please…” I begged… realizing he had gotten around all my taboos on not letting on how much I liked what he was doing.  

He put my hand on him again, and moved it up and down to show me what would please him.  I copied his movement, then added a slight pause to the beat.  He gasped when I started again.  I established the pattern… then paused longer.  He moaned… understanding my actions and how they were taking him higher.  

“That… making me wait… that is.. HOT!” he stated.  “I can’t believe you’re touching me… I have wanted this for so long,” he moaned.  

“Put me inside you…” he instructed, “control it,” he said, making it a joint effort.  I did as he asked, sliding him inside.  He pressed with his hips and was at my core.  He waited a long moment as the realization of where we were and exactly how close together we were dawned on both of us.  

“You are mine now, forever.  No matter where life takes us, it won’t change this,” he said.  “You will always be my girl,” he said.  It sounded ominous.  I decided to think about it later.  

“And you are mine, kid,” I added, bucking up toward him.  He didn’t speak but used his body to answer me, moving in and out, in and out, faster and faster.  

“This may take longer than you’re used to… because I want to wait for you to cum first,” he said.  “If you get sore or it stops being good, say so, okay?” he said.  I couldn’t concentrate on the words, but I got the spirit of them and nodded.  We rocked together, him thrusting inside me, me meeting his thrusts, moaning, thrashing… until suddenly I felt like I was exploding… or flying or… something was breaking free inside me… it was totally new… totally spectacular!  I felt flushed and started to sweat in a different way, and felt a coiling and uncoiling inside me… was this what he had been talking about?  All I could think was “wow…wow…WOW!” 

“Yea, baby, that’s it,” he said, answering my question without me voicing it.  Damn mind reader… I stopped thinking and started feeling… only him, him…. moving… moaning… he went completely frantic.  

I started chanting to him, “Do it.  Give it to me.  Let go… FUCK ME!” and he made one final grand push inside me and I felt three strong pulses, then he stilled.  I watched his face, so beautiful.  He collapsed on top of me.  He whispered, “Oh man…. oh…. mmmmmm…. I am so… you are so hot… damn, girl…I do love you,” and then he was quiet.  I lay there listening to my heart and his heart and trying to pay attention to everything going on in my body.  So many new sensations!  The first time I’d had sex, I lay there waiting for the boy to finish, thinking, “What that it?”  I was wondering what the big deal was, and why the adults kept this from the kids.  And why everyone wanted it.  Now, I began to understand.  

“That way was better, huh?” Philip asked.  Damn mind reader.

“I suppose,” I kidded him, winking.  He stared at me.  

“We’re magic, you know,” he said, in awe.

“Oh yes… I know,”  I said.  I started to get a little wistful, wondering why I would get to know that fact and likely never be here with him again.  He sensed my sadness and leaned down to kiss me… slowly, deeply… deeper… not at all the usual “I’m about done and taking off now” kiss.  He shifted slightly and I realized he was hard again.  I had not experienced that before. 

He rolled me on top of him and asked, “Ready for more?”  The surprise must have shown on my face, because he quickly added, “Are you sore?”  

“No…no….I’m fine, just…I haven’t, I mean..” I did not want to admit this was uncharted territory.

“You’ve never done it again right after?” he asked.  I looked away.  This was somehow just too much to discuss.  I wasn’t sure what the point of doing it again was… the guy had his way and that was it, right?  

“Um…. why do it again?” I asked, trying to get around my sudden shy spot.  Philip giggled.  

“Oh, man… why have two desserts?  Why see a double-feature?”  I still looked puzzled.  

“We’re going to try something different… it still feels good.  Why not feel good again?” he asked, being very patient.  He lifted me slightly and urged me to sit astride him, then pressed inside me again.  He moved his hips up and down, letting me ride him.  

“Can you, I mean… I thought,” I wasn’t sure how to ask if he could climax a second time.  

“Oh, yes… I can go all night,” he boasted.  He smiled in supreme self-confidence.  

“Use your knees,” he instructed, “to control the pace however you want.”  I did as he said, and then felt an incredible power wash over me.  I had been on top before, but only for a short time.  I had never done the last part except flat on my back.

“Can I stay here… I mean… can you finish with me up here?” I asked.  

“Oh yeah, baby…” he murmured, clearly already caught up in the magic again.  It was odd for me to have to think, to plan, to control the movement.  But I got used to idea, especially when I saw the look of absolute bliss on his face.  He lay there briefly, reveling in my moves, then started using his hands to up the ante.  He toyed with my breasts, distracting me just a little, then pressed a finger at the top of my slit at my most sensitive spot.  That shot fire throughout my body… I could not concentrate!  I focused and kept moving, stopping now and then to reset the pace.  He thrashed a bit and I settled back down on him, leaning over so that my hair formed a curtain around us.  He looked around in wonder, watching our bodies move together.  

“You… make me… feel… so… so…” he couldn’t finish his thought as I twisted slightly, driving him even deeper.  

‘So wet… so tight… so hot…” he chanted.  He grabbed my hips to steady me and rose off the bed to get closer still.  I sat straight up, tilted my head back, sank down on him and stopped… feeling my insides churn.  He pulsed and came again, filling me with his juices.  I had never felt so alive.  

I straightened out and cuddled against him, breathing loudly.  He stroked my back.  

“Understand now?” he asked, grinning against my cheek.

“Maybe,” I teased him.  “But you might have to explain again.”  

“Believe me when I say it would be my pleasure,” he answered.    

“What time is it?” I asked, coming back to reality with a thud.   I twisted around to look at the alarm clock on the nightstand.  “Eeek….it’s nearly 7 pm.  You have to get out of here.  They could be back any moment,” I shrieked, jumping out of the bed and pulling on clothes.  

“Go to dinner with me?”  he asked.  “Stay with me…” he begged.  

“Can you be seen with me?” I said, aware of how small our town is, and how people talk.

“We’ll figure it out,” he said, as he finished dressing.  We ran down the stairs.  I grabbed a pencil and paper and wrote a note at the kitchen table – “Philip showed up.  Going out to eat.  7:00 pm. “ 

As we went out the door to his car, my dad turned up the street headed to the garage.  I waved.  We ran out to the car, and hopped in, then sat there laughing at our escape.  He pulled me across the seat, gathered me into his arms, and kissed me.  

“You should drive right now,” I said.  He started the car up and took off.  He drove around the end of the block, across the street and up the driveway of the elementary school, then pulled around back, into the slot between the wings.  He turned the car off and grabbed me again, kissing me soundly.  I was astonished that he had not gotten tired of me.  

“I will never get tired of you,” he said as he held me, breathing hard. My mind reading man!