Thursday, Sept. 15
I cuddled up to Philip as the alarm went off and tried to interest him in more, but he jumped right up and got ready to go. He made it clear that he has a very busy day, won’t be back to the room for more than 15 minutes about 5 pm to pack his stuff and change, may not come back after dinner etc. etc. but that I was welcome to stay until noon tomorrow if I wanted, the room is paid for. I told him I’d go on home today. So I kissed him good-bye as he left.
I whispered, “I love you,” and he hugged me tightly but didn’t say anything. So I still have never heard him say it, even though he types it now and then online. Ah, well.
I thanked him for a lovely visit, said I hope I wasn’t too much of a bother and he said “No bother at all. It was great to have you here. And I’ll be back, you can be sure. We’ll go try out those great places you found.” He kissed me once more and was gone.
I whispered, “I love you,” and he hugged me tightly but didn’t say anything. So I still have never heard him say it, even though he types it now and then online. Ah, well.
I thanked him for a lovely visit, said I hope I wasn’t too much of a bother and he said “No bother at all. It was great to have you here. And I’ll be back, you can be sure. We’ll go try out those great places you found.” He kissed me once more and was gone.
I screwed up and started crying before he had the door shut, so he came back in and asked, “What’s this about?” sounding really puzzled. I tried to keep him from seeing my face and said, “I’ll be okay, you go on.” He squeezed my shoulder and commanded, “Talk!” and put his arms around me from behind.
I explained, “You forget that I don’t get to do any of this when you’re gone, so it makes me very sad when you leave,” touching his arms, and he sighed. “But I am so happy I got to, for a little while…” He turned me around, wiped the tears off my cheeks, gave me a deep kiss and walked away. I walked over to the window and stood staring at the countryside for awhile.
I explained, “You forget that I don’t get to do any of this when you’re gone, so it makes me very sad when you leave,” touching his arms, and he sighed. “But I am so happy I got to, for a little while…” He turned me around, wiped the tears off my cheeks, gave me a deep kiss and walked away. I walked over to the window and stood staring at the countryside for awhile.
So I will go back to my life. My job, my projects, my husband… *sigh* And know that even if I was with Philip all the time, it would be like this. He’d be doing his thing. I wonder if sleeping with him and doing stuff now and then would be enough. It feels like it would be, but it doesn’t matter… not going to happen.
I packed everything so I can go as soon as I feel like it. I pinged Hubby, made sure he was awake and ready to let in our cleaners. He was very glad to hear I was coming home. I will do a little work email then see how I feel. I thought I might drive around and have lunch, but it’s cloudy and I am blue, so I’ll just head home.
The lesson here is that two nights are enough. Will try to remember that. That’s about as long as I can pull focus away from his work. But I have to leave space to do things like going to Bristol, use the time away from home to do fun things on my own.
The lesson here is that two nights are enough. Will try to remember that. That’s about as long as I can pull focus away from his work. But I have to leave space to do things like going to Bristol, use the time away from home to do fun things on my own.
So there you have it. My annual idyll is over. *sigh* I am taking my memories and heading home.